What is it about The Palace at Auburn Hills that makes basketball players go batty?

In case you haven’t watched any ESPN this week, you missed a fight in the WNBA. Yes, the WNBA players got their Ron Artest on when the Los Angels Sparks and Detroit Shock played Tuesday night.

All-American girl Candace Parker of the Sparks helped ignite the brawl (bad pun intended). But she’s not the Slap of the Week.

Rick Mahorn, a member of the Pistons’ "Bad Boys" of the late 1980s, is an assistant for the Shock. He went on to the court and is getting much heat for supposedly shoving Sparks superstar Lisa Leslie to the floor. But he’s not the Slap of the Week.

Detroit’s Cheryl Ford wound up popping an ACL while she tried to play peacemaker in the fight. But she’s not the Slap of the Week.

Slap of the Week honors go to Sparks player DeLisha Milton-Jones, left. The 6-foot-1, 185-pound Milton-Jones decided to go after Mahorn and slug the 6-10, 300-plus pounder on his back. The blow had all of the effect of a fly landing on Mahorn. To watch the fight, go here.

What did Milton-Jones think was going to happen when she hit Mahorn? (See photo above. Milton-Jones is obscured by the referee on the right). That he was going to fall to the ground? Yes, it happened in the heat of the moment, but come on? I’m fairly sure you could line up every player on the Sparks and let them attack Mahorn at once and he’s not going to leave his feet.

Quite possibly the worst sports brawl ever. And by worst, I mean the weakest.

Note: Slap of the Week is on hiatus until Aug. 15.

Here’s a look at this week’s star students and dunces in the sports world. Maybe we should start giving out those bumper stickers you see on the back of those soccer mom’s vans: "I received an ‘A’ on DOB’s Mid-Week grades." If you want to listen in, I’ll debate these live around 8:20 a.m. or so on WGEM SportsCenter presented by Hardee’s. Dial in to ESPN 1440 a little earlier and try to win yourself a Thickburger during Thickburger trivia.

(Note: Mid-Week grades will be on hiatus until Aug. 13 so that I can work on my golf game in an attempt to win the fifth flight at next year’s Quincy Men’s City Golf Tournament.)

A — Dick Shierling. The Quincy sports community lost one of its biggest boosters with Shierling’s death on Sunday. Owner of the local McDonald’s franchises for more than 40 years, Shierling donated his time and money to more programs that I could possibly list. His vision (along with that of the late Frank Longo) helped make the McDonald’s/Herald-Whig Classic all-star basketball games what they are today.

B — Ryan Franks. He’s kind of like the Scottie Pippen to Luke Guthrie’s Michael Jordan when it comes to their budding careers. Yes, Guthrie gets all of the headlines, but Franks can play a little bit, too. Franks won his first Quincy Men’s City Championship over the weekend by two shots. He bounced back from a rough start on Sunday to capture the title. Other than failing to put the field away on Sunday, Franks did everything right. Let’s hope the two get to go toe-to-toe (or driver-to-driver) at the 2009 city tourney.

C — Greg Norman.
No, the Shark didn’t win the British Open over the weekend, but you
have to admire him for just being in the hunt. The guy rarely plays any
more — the British was his first start in two months. He just lost more
than $100 million in a divorce. He was on his honeymoon after marrying
former tennis great Chris Evert. Who could think about golf? He had
nothing to lose going into Sunday’s round even though he had a two-shot
lead. This loss doesn’t compare with any of his other major meltdowns.
Other than champ Padraig Harrington, Norman was the week’s biggest
winner.

D — The ESPYs. Does the sports world really need an Oscars-like awards show? Yes, it’s the middle of July and there isn’t a lot going on. I’ve never liked the ESPYs concept and probably never will. At least until they decide to give Tony Romo or Andres Nocioni some type of award.

F — Michelle Wie. Unlike most who bash her at every chance, I’ve been a Michelle Wie fan. It’s not her fault that PGA events like the John Deere Classic and now the Legends Reno-Tahoe Open, give her sponsor’s exemptions to play against the men. She means ticket sales for those events and gets them on the golf radar — if only for the two rounds that she plays. Her inability to sign her scorecard doesn’t exactly rank up there with Roberto DiVincenzo signing for an incorrect scorecard in the 1968 Masters and missing out on a playoff. This was only the State Farm Classic, but it still gave her doubters plenty of fuel for their fire. Like DiVincenzo, Wie should be saying, "What a stupid I am for being wrong here."

I — Jason Isringhausen. Thankfully, the St. Louis Cardinals didn’t put up a tote board somewhere inside Busch Stadium to count down Izzy’s quest for his 300th save. He’s been stuck on No. 292 forever. If he gets to 300, it probably won’t be in a Cardinals uniform. Given the chance to inch closer to the mark on Sunday, Isringhausen failed again. The Cardinals still won the game — thanks to a rare game-ending grand slam by Aaron Miles. Who knows how long Izzy’s quest will take.

Ryan Franks, left, did what any good friend would do after posting his 6-under 65 during the first round of the Quincy Men’s City Championship. He called Luke Guthrie to let him know how he was doing.

"He was lying on the beach in Florida," Franks said.

Guthrie missed out on Franks’ celebration this year. It’s a pretty good bet that Franks will get his wish next year — a head-to-head meeting in the city tournament with one of his best friends in the world.

For whatever reason, the junior golf scene pretty much ends once kids reach college age. The Pepsi Little People’s Golf Championships have tried to add two older divisions the last two years, but they’ve sparked little interest.

Unless there is a United States Golf Association event opposite the city tournament next year, which is doubtful, Guthrie’s calendar should be open for him to finally have a chance to reclaim the title he won in 2006. He hasn’t played a round in the city tournament since thanks to his hectic junior schedule.

Franks certainly made it known that he intends to be a force on the city tournament scene.

"I wanted people to know that Luke Guthrie isn’t the only person in Quincy who can golf," Franks said, playfully giving his buddy a jab.

Runner-up Gary Boots also introduced himself to the Quincy golf scene. I overheard more than one person standing near the scoreboard behind the Westview clubhouse ask who Boots was. He won’t be an unknown factor any longer after finishing his 36 holes with a 5-under 137 total.

DOBservations: Franks is the sixth straight first-time winner of the event. … No player has won back-to-back titles since Todd Rodemich in 2001-2002. … Emily Powers served as the caddy for Tim Schrage. Schrage will return the favor this weekend when Powers tries to win her fifth straight Women’s City Championship. … Powers will be an overwhelming favorite to win since her main competition, her younger sister Rachel, will be out of town trying to qualify for the Wal-Mart First Tee Open in an event in New Hampshire. … Quincy High School golfer Mike Davis had the low round of the day with a 2-under 69. However, playing in the second flight, Davis played from the white tees. … Scott Steward tied Franks and Boots with the best day from the tips with a 1-under 70.

After finishing his opening round Saturday at the Quincy Men’s City Tournament at Westview Golf Course, Ryan Franks had one regret.

"I wish Luke was here," said Franks, who carded a 6-under 65 to take a two-shot lead into Sunday’s second round. "I think we’d have a good time."

Luke is former men’s city champion Luke Guthrie, Franks’ former teammate at Quincy High School. Guthrie, a two-time state champion who will be at the University of Illinois in the fall, was at the Southern Amateur this week, a prestigious junior tournament at Lake Nona Golf & Country Club in Orlando, Fla. Guthrie missed the cut at the event, carding rounds of 78 and 69 to miss the cut by two shots.

Guthrie hasn’t had a chance to defend the title he won in 2006. He also missed the city tournament last year, opening the way for Tim Eaton to capture his first city title.

The way Franks played on Saturday, it’s doubtful anyone will be able to catch him in the second round on Sunday.

"He played as good a round as I’ve ever seen," playing partner Jim Citro said of Franks’ day, which included 13 of 14 fairways hit and him reaching all 18 greens in regulation.

And if Guthrie were in the field, there’s no guarantee that he’d win. Franks fought hard in the spring to make the traveling team at Western Illinois University six times, which made another trip to the NCAA Tournament. Franks just missed qualifying for the Leathernecks’ national tournament team.

Overshadowed a bit by Guthrie when the two were in high school together, Franks is ready to take his hard-earned turn the spotlight.

"It would be nice to finally win a good tournament here in Quincy," Franks said.

DOBservations: Jack Hull, playing in his 57th straight city tournament, turned in a 7-over 78. Not too bad considering the 1958 city champion posted a 9 on the par-5 fifth hole. … Quincy High School golf coach Doug Bruner had to like what he saw out of his players on Saturday. Parker Frieburg was one of four golfers to break 70 with a 2-under 69. Connor Daniels (74), Tom Castillo (75) and Nick Burry (75) also turned in respectable scores. Bruner wasn’t too shabby himself, carding a 74. … Unless Ryan Graff, who is three shots back after shooting a 3-under 68, can rally, the event will have its sixth straight first-time champion. … The final number of players in the field reached 103. 

Teddy Dupay, left, put on one of the greatest shooting displays I’ve ever seen at the 1997 KMOX Shootout in St. Louis. Then a senior at Cape Coral (Fla.) Mariner High School, Dupay scored a then-record 46 points. He shot the ball from everywhere imaginable. He was all of 5-foot-10 and had a shooting stroke to die for.

From that moment, I was hooked on Dupay. I was temporarily a Florida Gator fan when he was there, making time to catch Florida games on the Sunshine Network on my DirecTV (this was way before Tivo and I was too lazy to set a VCR.)

After helping Florida to the 2000 NCAA championship game — where the Gators lost to Michigan State — Dupay fell off the college basketball radar. He left Florida after his junior year and gambling allegations haunted him.

Now, he’s got something much bigger to deal with. Earlier this week, Dupay was charged in Park City, Utah of beating and raping a woman at a Utah ski lodge.

I’ve never understood how people like Dupay who are given so much God-given talent just seemingly throw it all away. It really boggles the mind.

On the slowest day of the sports year — unless you’re a WNBA fan — here are this week’s grades to tide you over. You can listen in to WGEM SportsCenter Presented by Hardee’s every Wednesday around 8:20 a.m. to hear these live on ESPN 1440.

A — Major League Baseball. Most of the time I hammer "Error" Bud Selig. But I have to admit that he knows how to put on a show. More than any other professional sport, baseball has done the best job of remembering where it came from by including legends at events. The show of living Hall of Famers at Tuesday’s All-Star Game and having them at their old positions alongside this year’s starters was awesome. It’s great for the HOFers, the players (Ben Sheets even skipped a few warm-up pitches just to be part of the ceremony) and the fans.

B — Tony Romo. Not only can the Eastern Illinois University product throw the pigskin and make the ladies swoon, but the man can play some golf, too. Sure, he fell into a pond during Saturday’s play at the American Century Championship, but he wound up tying for third behind celebrity golf legend Rick Rhoden. There’s little doubt he’ll lead the Cowboys to a Super Bowl title this season.

C — The Philadelphia Spectrum. In news that will make our own Josh Houchins cry, the Spectrum is set for the wrecking ball next spring. Seems that the folks that own it want to put up some shops and a hotel there. Julius Erving better have his name on something at the new site. It’s too bad old arenas like the Spectrum, which was made famous by Dr. J, couldn’t be turned into museums or something better than a place to go eat some hot wings.

D — The John Deere Classic playoff. Outside of the Masters, British Open and U.S. Open (sorry, PGA Championship), the JDC is one of my major tournaments. Last weekend’s tourney had plenty of drama. Red-hot Kenny Perry made a bogey on the 72nd hole to open the door for journeyman Jay Williamson and 35-year-old PGA Tour rookie Brad Adamonis, left, to earn their first PGA Tour win in a playoff. Instead, Williamson and Adamonis threw up all over themselves. Adamonis tried a silly shot out of a bad lie from the rough and wound up in the pond that guards the left side of the 18th hole. Then Williamson pulled his approach shot into the pond from the middle of the fairway. All Perry had to do was play a safe shot to the middle of the green, two-putt and pick up the win. Worst. Playoff. Ever.

F — Green Bay Packers. Former DOBservations Slap of the Week Brett Favre has some company his in coming-out-of-retirement saga. The Packers have known for a while that Favre still had the itch to play. Instead of dealing with it and telling Favre months ago they didn’t want him, they ignored the situation and hoped it would go away. Now we have Favre hanging with Greta Van Susteren and the masses marching on Lambeau, right, and taking their case to the Internet.

I — Tour de France doping. Another rider was busted for doping today. Not that anyone should be surprised by that news. How long will it be until there are just two riders going head-to-head through the Champs-Elysées?

It may have been the best $200 Denny Phillips ever spent. Winning a World Series of Poker satellite event at Harrah’s casino in St. Louis gave Phillips a spot in the $10,000 buy-in Texas Hold’em Main Event in Las Vegas.

Now, Phillips, a Clayton native, is on the verge of becoming a millionaire. He’s the chip leader with just over 26 million chips as a field of 6,844 has been whittled down to the final nine players. The group will reconvene on Nov. 10-11 in Las Vegas to see who will take home the $9.12 million first prize. ESPN is scheduled to televise the final table and you can bet you’ll see more of Phillips on the programs leading up to the final table.

Phillips is a 1973 graduate of Central High School. He currently lives in St. Louis. He lived in the area as recently as five years ago, working at Gem City Ford.

He told Pokernews.com he was down to 22,000 chips and nearly busted out of the tournament before getting his chip count up to 200,000 in two hours’ time.

Look here for an updated story on Phillips’ journey to poker’s biggest stage.

In case you didn’t get to check out my Sunday column on the GamePlan page, here’s a look at today’s debate:

Just think about it for a minute — Brett Favre playing for someone other than the Green Bay Packers.

Two things are obvious after the latest twists in the Favre saga: Favre wants to play football again, and the Packers have already decided to move on without him. There are still plenty of plot twists remaining before Favre dons his famous No. 4 jersey for another team this season.

Can you imagine Favre strolling into Lambeau Field on Nov. 16 wearing a Chicago Bears jersey? How huge would the hype be around that game? The Packer faithful may just tear the place down.

(Of course, Favre could only go to Chicago if punter Brad Maynard agreed to give up the No. 4.)

No matter what happens, this isn’t going to end well.

The thought of Favre playing for anyone else but Green Bay just doesn’t seem right. It brings to mind other icons who ended their careers with brief stays with teams other than the ones that they earned their fame.

Here’s a look at my top 5 most surreal endings to a career:

5. Johnny Unitas, San Diego Chargers
The Baltimore Colts icon was traded to the Chargers as a 40-year-old in 1973. He made four starts in five games for the Chargers, throwing three touchdowns against seven interceptions for a team that finished 2-11-1. Unlike Favre, Unitas was at the end of the line when he made the move out west. Still, Unitas was to Colts fans what Favre is to the Packer faithful today.

4. Emmitt Smith, Arizona Cardinals
Thank goodness he broke Walter Payton’s all-time rushing record as a member of the Dallas Cowboys. His two seasons in Arizona were nothing more than stats-padders for Smith. He rushed for 1,193 yards to boost his all-time record to 18,355. He didn’t win anything with the Cardinals, who won all of 10 games during his time there.

3. Joe Namath, Los Angeles Rams
For 12 years, Namath was the toast of the Big Apple. We have Joe Willie to thank for the NFL we see today. Had he not engineered the New York Jets’ upset of the mighty Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III, who knows what would have happened to the AFL? His knees shot, he was signed by the Rams in May of 1977. He played all of four games, getting knocked out in the fourth game of the season against the Chicago Bears.

2. Willie Mays, New York Mets
For most people, seeing the “Say Hey Kid” out of a Giants uniform is No. 1. He made his mark with the Giants, first with the team in New York and later when the team made its move to San Francisco. He hit 646 of his 660 home runs in a Giants uniform. But on May 11, 1972, Mays was traded to the Mets for Charlie Williams, a relief pitcher, and $50,000. His return to his New York roots wasn’t very memorable. He hit .238 with 14 homers and 44 RBI over parts of two seasons.

1. Michael Jordan, Washington Wizards
Any true Chicago Bulls fan will deny that Jordan ever played anywhere else but Chicago. To us, Jordan’s final shot was over Byron Russell in the 1998 NBA Finals, a perfect ending for the best player in NBA history. We realize there is some photographic — if not forensic — evidence that Jordan played for Washington, but we deny that it ever happened. The fact there are Jordan replica jerseys in those awful Wizards colors — and the fact people own them — sickens us. And don’t even get us started on those who own “throwback” Jordan Washington Bullets jerseys.

Honorable mention
O.J. Simpson, San Francisco 49ers, right; Jim Hart, Washington Redskins; Joe Montana, Kansas City Chiefs; Akeem Olajuwon, Toronto Raptors; Franco Harris; Seattle Seahawks; Joe Morgan, San Francisco Giants; Billy Williams, Oakland A’s;  Ron Santo, Chicago White Sox; Babe Ruth, Boston Braves

Have a not-so grand exit of your own that you’d like to share? Post a comment or zip me an e-mail.

If I could hand out consecutive Slap honors to the same person, I would. Especially after what’s breaking today about Brett Favre.

But that would be lazy. Plus, there’s a bigger slap out there in the waters. Hello, Elton Brand.

For the second straight week, I’m hammering on someone I like. Brand was a solid player when he played for the Bulls after his career at Duke. The Bulls shipped him to the Clippers for Tyson Chandler during one of those Baby Bulls’ eras the team has had over the last decade.

I was actually hoping the Bulls would have orchestrated some kind of sign-and-trade for Brand after he opted out of his deal with the Clippers. Instead, Brand is going to Philadelphia in a shocking turn of events.

Brand, shown here with 76ers general manager Ed Stefanski, told the Clippers he was going to come back if they signed Baron Davis. The Clippers threw money at Davis, but before Davis could sign on the dotted line, Brand jumped to Philly.

Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy claimed some Clippers had received text messages from Brand, saying how excited he was about the team getting Davis. Dunleavy is a little bitter about the whole thing, while Brand and his agent, David Falk, are trying their best to spin the situation their way.

Thanks to Brand’s move, the Clippers will continue to be second-class hoops citizens in the city of Angels. And his image —in places other than Philly — has taken a major hit.

Here’s your chance to play along with Wednesday’s WGEM SportsCenter presented by Hardee’s. I’ve thrown these Mid-Week grades up early so that you can play along. Don’t like what you see here or would like to give out your own grade. E-mail the show at sportscenter@wgem.com or hit up the Illinois Signal Text Line at 217-617-9437. Listen on ESPN 1440 from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.

A — Not that I need the help, but a commenter pointed out last week that the country of Spain deserves the A this week. Can’t argue with that. First, the country’s soccer team won Euro 2008 for the first time since 1964 with its 1-0 victory over Germany. Then, Rafael Nadal proves that he’s more than a clay-court specialist by beating Roger Federer in a five-set classic in the men’s final at Wimbledon. He’s inching closer to Federer in the world rankings thanks to the win. Now, if he would only ditch those silly capri pants he wears, Nadal might have some street cred.

B — Milwaukee Brewers. Not that many people in Wisconsin are paying much attention with all of that Brett Favre talk, but the Brewers are trying to make the postseason for the first time since Gorman Thomas was struck out by St. Louis’ Bruce Sutter to end Game 7 of the 1982 World Series. You have to admire the gamble of trading for C.C. Sabathia. Yes, the team could lose him after the season without signing him to a long-term deal — same goes for staff ace Ben Sheets — but the Brewers have decided they’d love nothing more than to ruin the 100-year anniversary story brewing a few hours south of them down the Lake Michigan shores. They’d better make Sabathia and Prince Fielder sit on opposite sides of the bus.

C — Taking their lead from an executive from the National Alliance for Youth Sports, a youth baseball league outside of Cleveland has dropped its all-star games this year. The parent in me says, "Hey, this makes some sense," especially after seeing some of the win-at-all-costs coaches that sit in dugouts out at the Quincy Family YMCA youth leagues. The competitor in me says, "Hey, deal with it if your kid isn’t good enough. He’ll get over it." There’s probably a good middle ground in there somewhere.

D — The fans who put the following people in the starting lineup for next week’s MLB All-Star Game — Dustin Pedroia (should be Texas’ Ian Kinsler), David Ortiz (several should have been ahead of him at DH), Kosuke Fukodome and Alfonso Soriano (Colorado’s Matt Holliday and Pittsburgh’s Nate McLouth are more deserving).

F — ESPN’s coverage of the "Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championships." On more than one occasion, defending champion — and eventual winner — Joey Chestnut was called the "Tiger Woods of competitive eating." That’s like saying Kevin Garnett is the "Michael Jordan of basketball." One title doesn’t make the man — or two in Chestnut’s case. Until he rips off six straight Nathan’s titles like Takeru Kobayashi did before Chestnut finally beat him last year, Chesnut — and the goofy announcers — had better recognize he has a way to go to match greatness. And, Chestnut’s win last year was not "a great moment in American sports," as one talking head called it during the broadcast.

I — The eight-year, $1.1 million contract that Western Illinois University handed men’s basketball coach Jim Molinari last week. Time will tell if it was money well-spent or a nice little retirement balloon for Molinari, who will be 61 by the time the contract is finished in 2016.