Month: November 2008

The 10 worst songs I’ve ever heard

Posted by – November 25, 2008

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Muskrat Love is the worst song ever.

The blog last week about Debby Boone song prompted much discussion, comments and some great e-mails. Here’s are 10 of the worst songs ever. You can tell I’m still scarred by 70s AM radio.

1. Muskrat Love, Captain & Tennille. Never did figure out why he was called “Captain.” Tennille’s helmet-hair is awesomely bad. Gotta love the muskrat dolls on the Captain’s keyboard, too. Good grief … just thinking about the song makes me cringe.

2. Stay, Sugarland. Look, I really like Jennifer Nettles. But crying while you lip-synch to an already sappy song isn’t sincere, it’s … mystifying. The song is awful enough as it is. Reminds me of the great scene in Broadcast News when William Hurt’s character, TV reporter Tom Grunick, is doing a story and he cries on cue.

3. Coming To America, Neil Diamond. From the soundtrack of The Jazz Singer. Used in presidential elections, Statue of Liberty rededications, conservative radio talk show muzak. Saturday Night Live’s scathing rendition by Will Ferrell is hysterical …. especially when Ferrell explains the song as an expression of Diamond’s “massive” hatred of immigration.

4. My Heart Will Go On (Theme From Titanic), Celine Dion. Wow, there are a ton of really bad Celine Dion songs. The Power of Love almost edged out Titanic. In the great race for badness, this soaring and epic piece of smarthy smulch barely wins.

5. All For Love, Bryan Adams, Sting, Rod Stewart. Take three of the greatest pop performers of all time and what do you get? A kitschy and dismal love song that is so cheesy even Guy Lombardo wouldn’t touch it for a remake. I love all three of these guys, but All For Love is All For Bleeecchhhh.

6. Apache, Tommy Seebach. I must admit, the song itself is terrible. But the video might be the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Seebach’s chemical-infused grin, the, uh, “dancers,” the guy who can’t drum in time to the tape …. yikes. Even disco purists will disavow they ever danced to this unless they were under duress.

7. Don’t Give Up On Us Baby, David Soul. Starsky & Hutch was a great 70s cop show, but this is a horrible, gut-twistingly nauseous song by one of the stars. In the remake, the scene where Hutch (Owen Wilson) plays the song while Starsky (Ben Stiller) is strung out on cocaine is priceless. “Oh c’mon you guys. It’s just a guy up here with a guitar, singing his heart out.” It’s almost enough to make you forget about the original version.

8. Don’t You Want Me Baby, The Human League. I include this early 80s robotic droning of a song because it was on the radio ALL THE TIME when I was in high school. This first time was OK. The 5 millionth time, I wanted to hurl myself into traffic. “Don’t you want me baby, don’t you want me oooohhhhhh ….” See what I mean? It’s giving you bird flu fever chills now just thinking about it, and guess what? You have no chance of getting this detached piece of pop dribble out of your mind for the next 24 hours. “Don’t you want me baby ….”

9. Torn Between Two Lovers, Mary MacGregor. “There are times when a woman has to say what’s on her mind.” Fine. Understood. But why did Mary have to sing it out loud? Sometimes you wonder why an artist only has one hit. This is not one of those times. This brings back memories of being sandwiched in my mother’s station wagon while we drove back and forth to school, a 10-mile ride through heavy traffic with a truly horrible AM station cranked up so my sisters in the very back could hear it. Where is my Ibuprofen when I really need it?

10. How Can We Be Lovers, Michael Bolton. I’m listening to this song and shedding a non-forced and non-scripted tear because Bolton, for as bad as he truly was in the 80s, didn’t start that way. He had some killer big-hair songs like Fool’s Game and Everybody’s Crazy. Then he graduated, or was demoted, to going after the chicks with a mutant mullet of doom approach to ballads. Fools Game is on my youtube page. How Can We Be Lovers? Don’t go there …

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Anything by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam, DeBarge, Taylor Swift and Kanye (I Am Elvis) West.

Drug Court works: A celebration worth waiting for

Posted by – November 21, 2008

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Craig Chatten speaks at his Drug Court
graduation ceremony on Thursday.
(H-W Photo by Philip Carlson)

Craig Chatten had a birthday last month. He came home, and his two little girls met him at the doorway.

"You can't come in, dad," they said. "Play basketball with us, dad!"

Something was up. So Craig played with Jule, 9, and Jasmine, almost 3. But it was after a long day of work and he was tired and wanted to come inside.

"No dad!" his girls cried. "Not yet!"

With one daughter clutching him around the waist and the other grabbing his legs, Craig made his way inside. He walked toward the kitchen, and he could see the glow of the birthday cake candles and his wife, Kandy.

It brought a tear to his eye. And it dawned on him that in years past, when he was using meth, there would be no birthday celebration, no cake, no candles.

"In past years," he says, "they would have been standing there waiting for me."

Chatten, 45, graduated from Adams County Drug Court Thursday. He's been using substances since age 12, graduating from booze and pot to cocaine. He was sentenced to six years in prison in 1993 for a cocaine charge. When he got out, he started running with the same old crowd, and he used meth for about 10 years.

The end came on Easter Sunday 2007, when he was arrested and charged with meth possession. He got into an in-patient rehab program at Recovery Resources in Quincy, and was accepted to the Drug Court program.

He went from the brink of facing prison time to getting another chance. This time, he made it work.

"I think something just clicked," he said Thursday, standing in the Adams County Courthouse hallway while his fellow Drug Court graduates celebrated with cake and punch. "In rehab, I learned what meth does to the body and brain."

Relief flooded through Chatten when he got into Drug Court, but he realized it wasn't going to be easy. In the first months there were constant urinalysis tests, weekly court appearances and group sessions.

But it was better than being in prison.

"There's a lot of structure," Chatten says. "But for the first time since I was 12, I was thinking straight."

His life slowly came back. And on Thursday, he was one of seven Drug Court graduates. He says he's been clean and sober for almost 600 days.

He thinks of his little girls, and his eyes begin to mist yet again.

"In past years, I'd be too busy, I'd just blow them off," he says, remembering his birthday and his daughters hanging on him as he went into the house. "Not now. They knew I'd be home.

To read more about Drug Court, cick here.

“You Light Up My Life” is one of the all-time worst

Posted by – November 20, 2008

So I'm walking through our graphic arts production department this morning when I hear one of the all-time worst songs coming through our Muzak … "You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone.

I often joke with graphic artist Jason Mullins about being subjected to Muzak, but this song evoked painful childhood memories of listening to AM radio and bad hair.

Did we really listen to this stuff?

Judge for yourself.

What songs make you physically ill when you hear them?

Pet insurance has proven to be worth the cost for some

Posted by – November 18, 2008

In my column today about pet insurance, Brian Iannessa of Veterinary Pet Insurance (VPI) points out pets can have unexpected accidents.

The company sponsors a monthly award for the most unusual claim called the Hambone Award, in honor of a VPI-covered dog that got stuck in a refrigerator and ate an entire Thanksgiving ham while waiting for someone to find him. The dog was eventually found with a clean-licked hambone and a mild case of hypothermia.

October's winner was a Labrador retriever who threw up the same sock twice. It cost the owner $2,500 for surgery to remove the sock, and the procedure was covered by the owner's VPI policy.

Honorable mentions for most unusual claims in October included a chinchilla with bad breath from an abscessed tooth, a dog that was bitten by a skunk, a dog that had trouble swallowing a starfish and a dog that ingested several DVDs. All pets made full recoveries and received insurance reimbursements for eligible expenses.

September's winner was a Belgian sheepdog that crashed into a wheelbarrow while chasing a squirrel. Honorable mentions went to a bulldog that ate an entire nativity set, a mixed-breed dog that swallowed a diamond wedding band, a Lab that ran into barbed wire while chasing wild turkeys, a boxer that ate two pounds of raspberry cream chocolate and a golden retriever that tried to eat a porcupine.

Ouch!

Do you believe in ghosts?

Posted by – November 10, 2008

I was invited to go ghost-hunting last week with Travis Yates, Brother Ed Arambasich and their investigative team at Woodland Cemetery.

In Tuesday’s edition, you’ll read about a disappearing ping pong ball and other stories. To see what they’ve been up to, click on the video at right.

Spooky stuff!

Experience Counts

Posted by – November 7, 2008

The best part of my job is interviewing fascinating people for stories.

You can read about two of them this weekend. Saturday we have a story about Hazel Mills, an amazing bundle of energy at age 82 who was recently honored with a prestigious state award for volunteerism.

Sunday we have a story about Pat Clow, who served in the Navy and witnessed history at Pearl Harbor, later surviving Japanese submarine torpedo attacks in the Pacific.

The coolest part of talking to Mr. Clow? Watching his granddaughter, Anna McNay, who listened intently to Pat's stories and experiences.

Good people make for good stories.