Tuesday night’s behavior was one of the
weirdest episodes yet for Paula Abdul.
(Photo courtesy of Entertainment Weekly)

Wow.

I was going to do a separate piece on Paula Abdul’s latest on-air behavior Tuesday night following the Wednesday results show, but in the name of national security and Idol Nation, I feel a call to duty.

There is the possibility there will be some lame explanation tonight for her behavior, but whatever the reason — medication or simple meltdown — it was one of her weirdest episodes yet.

She seemed totally flustered about midway through the show during the judges’ comments dealing with the five performers’ first of two numbers.

For some reason, Paula thought Jason Castro sang two numbers (no one had performed twice yet) and began critiquing his “second song.” Even the Jeff Spicoli-esque Castro seemed confused.

“This is so hard,” said Paula, totally flabbergasted when both fellow judge Simon Cowell and host Ryan Seacrest attempted to rectify the situation.

Every on-camera face near Paula carried the same, blank expression. This was one of the strangest on-air occurrences I have ever seen.

“Strange” seemed to be the buzzword of the night after that, especially when Simon officially labeled the production the “strangest” show in Idol’s seven-year history.

Conspiracy theories would suggest it was all staged to promote conversations around the water cooler today, but I seriously doubt that possibility carries any credibility at all.

Paula is just not right. There’s something missing in the common-sense department.

In a blog earlier this week I suggested it was time to replace her, and was met with surprisingly strong criticism.

For those who supported Paula, were you watching Tuesday night?

Are we seeing a new contender emerge
in Syesha Mercado, or just a late tease?

I left Tuesday night’s performances at least slightly confused, partly because I felt the final five American Idol finalists would have offered stronger overall performances with the Neil Diamond catalogue as a backdrop.

That aside, I am also confused because I’m not sure if we are seeing a new contender emerge — or it’s just a late tease.

Sassy Syesha Mercado is complicating things.

One week after she wowed the world with “One Rock and Roll Too Many” during the tribute to Andrew Lloyd Webber (he of the large, bulbous head), Syesha drops another honest-to-goodness bomb with “Hello Again” and is respectable with “Thank the Lord for the Night Time.”

“Hello Again” was spellbinding. She unveiled not only another side of her ability, but the new ‘do and the bare feet all added to the fabric of the performance.

I’m (fairly) confident Syesha will survive the week, and if so, next week should tell us for sure if she is the real deal — or not.

The Idols sang two songs apiece, and I graded each on a scale of 1 to 10 for a composite score for the night. Syesha’s “Hello Again” was the only 10, and she tied David Cook for the overall evening lead with 16.

Here’s how I broke down the performances down:

SYESHA MERCADO

Hello Again: Simply breathtaking. Tremendous, tremendous effort. It was a perfect interpretation and a perfect song selection for her. Score: 10

Thank the Lord For the Night Time: She altered the original version, and it didn’t work quite that well for me. It was more off-Broadway than spot-on pop. Score: 6

Total: 16

Comment: I’m honestly puzzled. Part of me says she could actually sneak into the finals ahead of David Archuleta, and part of me says the last two weeks have been more fluke than substance.

DAVID COOK

I’m Alive: Another almost-flawless performance by the almost-flawless performer. He did Neil Diamond justice. Score: 9

All I Really Need is You: I wasn’t familiar with this at all, and while the judges seemed to go ga-ga, I thought it was … well, interesting at best. Score: 7

Total: 16

Comment: This is your next American Idol, folks. Don’t kid yourself.

DAVID ARCHULETA

Sweet Caroline: Simon Cowell’s panning of Little David’s effort was ridiculous. Archuleta had the crowd into the song, one of the all-time best sing-a-longs ever recorded. What more could you ask? No wonder we broke away from England. Score: 8

America: The diminutive one played the Kristy Lee Cook card, pulling out a patriotic song, and while Simon DID give him credit for this selection, I thought it fell kind of flat. Little David did not have the same feeling as Neil Diamond was able to invoke, but then Neil’s about 80 years older than our favorite mighty mite. Score: 6

Total: 14

Comment: A solid, if not spectacular week. He gave us some needed up-tempo material, and it was better than expected.

BROOKE WHITE

I’m A Believer: First of all, I didn’t like her parlaying a song Neil Diamond did not record. He wrote this for the Monkees, who had a hit with it about the same time Neil did with “Cherry Cherry,” which WOULD have been a great song choice. Secondly, she looked like Juice Newton standing up there, swaying back and forth with that huge guitar. Score: 5

I Am, I Said: She struggled in parts, but this was the Brooke I truly, truly enjoy, and this is where she will carve her career — sitting at the piano and playing her songs. Score: 6

Total: 11

Comment: Brooke should be thankful Jason’s still in the competition.

JASON CASTRO

Forever in Blue Jeans: Not bad, and actually an excellent song for his style. I thought he might be in for an above-average night. Score: 6

September Morn: I thought wrong. This was an abomination. There was not one redeeming second. I gave him the score I did, because he remembered the words and looked good. Score: 3

Total: 9

Comment: The final score was probably generous. I think Jason knows it’s time for him to leave and has accepted it. If anyone else is axed, based on Tuesday night, it would be a shame.

THIS WEEK’S RANKINGS
Last week’s rankings in parentheses

1. (1.) DAVID COOK: I think his his best is yet to come, and that is saying something.

2. (2.) DAVID ARCHULETA: Satchel Paige once said don’t look back, because something might be gaining on you.

3. (4.) SYESHA MERCADO: Finally showing some of that flash we saw back in March.

4. (5.) BROOKE WHITE: She’s mounting a mini-comeback, but it’s too little too late.

5. (4.) JASON CASTRO: It’s over.

READY, SET GO: Dude, it’s time.

The frustration of listening to Paula Abdul’s insane rambling
and constant interruptions of Simon Cowell has led to this:
It’s time to get rid of Paula.

OK, it is time.

We have been patient for all these seven years. We have put up with the mumbo-jumbo quite long enough.

No longer can we — and by “we,” I mean me — tolerate that deer-in-the-headlight look and analysis that insults the very definition of the word.

It is time for Paula Abdul to be replaced as an American Idol judge.

And no, it will not tamper with the chemistry of the show. Randy Jackson could be replaced, too, but he’s harmless and kind of funny now and then. Paula is simply harmful to the show. Simon Cowell is the only irreplaceable part and we — and by “we,” I mean me — love him dearly for what he adds to the best show in television history.

For anyone who at any time in the past seven years has watched American Idol at any length, you know of what we speak concerning Paula. The frustration of listening to her insane rambling and constant interruptions of Simon has driven us — and by “us” I mean me — to this.

Idol Nation, unite behind me. We can make this happen.

Here are my top 10 picks to replace Paula. Feel free to leave your own ideas as well.

1. AMY GRANT: She can easily represent the “nice” judge Paula is supposed to be, but yet offer an intelligent critique — what a concept! Amy could also bring a view from two genres that are currently missing on the panel — country and the ever-increasing impact of contemporary Christian. And she also has a few skeletons in the closet, so she’s no Shirley Temple.

2. TINA TURNER: Her age, 68, might be a worry, but has any entertainer accomplished more than this Private Dancer? Paula has gone on record saying she considers herself the “total (entertainment) package.” No, Paula, Tina Turner is/was the total entertainment package.

3. JANET JACKSON: A younger version of Tina Turner who, we think, has learned to keep her clothes on when in front of the camera.

4. CYNDI LAUPER: Think about it. Yeah, it would work.

5. JEWEL: Intelligent, great singer, and she got that snaggletooth thing fixed a few years ago.

6. FERGIE: Only because I know Simon could talk her into doing that one-handed carthweel every so often.

7. ANNIE LENNOX: The only knock against her would be it would put two Brits on the panel and the show, lest we forget, is AMERICAN Idol.

8. SHERYL CROW: Folksy, yet a little bit edgy. And anyone who has covered a Rod Stewart song gets my vote.

9. GLORIA ESTEFAN: Kind of over the hill, her best days are behind her … oh wait, that’s Paula.

10. BRITNEY SPEARS: Come on, the possibilities are endless.

Despite her gaffe on Tuesday’s show,
Brooke White survived Wednesday’s
elimination … somehow.

I’m not sure if Brooke White even knows who Bill Buckner is, but she needs to meet him. She needs to get to know all about him.

It was 22 years ago when Buckner, playing first base for the Boston Red Sox, committed an infamous error in the sixth game of the 1986 World Series. His mistake triggered a Mets comeback that ultimately ended with the Red Sox being denied a World Series championship that looked to be theirs.

It took Red Sox fans 22 years to fully forgive Buckner, finally welcoming him back earlier this month to throw out the first pitch in their home opener.

Brooke learned all about that kind of forgiveness between Tuesday and Wednesday night editions of American Idol.

After committing the ultimate mistake for a singer — forgetting the words on live, national television — the entire western hemisphere was certain Brooke would be voted off the show.

She wasn’t.

In one of the most surprising results shows in the seven-year history of Idol, White’s obviously substantial fan base responded en masse to keep her alive. They forgave her for the gaffe.

Instead of having to live with such an error for 22 years, Brooke had to suffer for roughly 22 hours.

Somehow that doesn’t seem fair.

Brooke truly deserved to go. She has struggled for a month as others improved and impressed. Yet her early work — some of it quite substantial — wound up carrying her through what looked to be her darkest hour.

After her finest performance, Carly Smithson
handled her exit like a professional.

What else that was not fair was what happened to Carly Smithson. Fresh off what was arguably her finest performance as an Idol — singing “Jesus Christ Superstar” — the Irish lass was sent packing.

Smithson and Syesha Mercado, herself coming off a phenomenal “One Rock and Roll Too Many” effort, made up the bottom two, much to Brooke’s obvious surprise.

Carly handled the final verdict like a pro. We give her full credit. There was no whining, she was thankful for the opportunity she’s had — and will have. A recording contract surely awaits.

Carly, we gave you a lot of grief during this competition, and most of it was deserved. But we’ll miss you and your tats.

WHAT LIES AHEAD?

We’re down to five and Neil Diamond Week awaits.

The collection of Neil Diamond masterpieces offers a potentially great lineup of songs. I would imagine this is the week where the Idols start singing two songs apiece. It would seem such a waste to use only five Neil Diamond offerings with the catalogue that’s available.

Here is what I think a perfect Neil Diamond song for each remaining Idol would be:

David Cook: I Am, I Said

Comment: If he chooses this selection, they can start engraving his name on the championship trophy (or whatever it is they receive). I guarantee it.

David Archuleta: Heartlight

Comment: I know Little David is going to pick a slower song and I know the judges — and America — will start to get a little more irritated. But I do think he could turn in an overpowering performance with this Neil Diamond classic.

Brooke White: Sweet Caroline

Comment: She could get the audience involved in this one and win back some fans I think she has lost — like me. Plus, she could stay within her comfort zone behind the piano. This could all be reminiscent of a scene from the movie “Beautiful Girls.”

Syesha Mercado: You Got to Me

Comment: This up-tempo number is actually my all-time favorite Neil Diamond song, and I think Syesha needs to keep her momentum going with an uplifting selection. Plus, for those of you who claim to be a child of the ’60s or ’70s, doesn’t she remind you of Freda (“Band of Gold”) Payne?

Jason Castro: Song Sung Blue

Comment: Give him his stool, his guitar and let him get back in his element. This is the perfect song for him, and he’ll need one to survive another week.

Where do I begin?

With Syesha and her MOMENT?

Or Brooke’s excruciating gaffe?

Maybe David Cook’s latest “he’s done it again” performance?

This had to be one of the most pleasing American Idol Tuesday nights in recent years. From the brilliance of at least three of the remaining six, to some unintentional comic relief from our boy Jason Castro, this was truly magnificent viewing.

Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber was the guest mentor and he was insightful and entertaining. His resume — from “Jesus Christ Superstar” to “Cats” — speaks for itself, but the thing I enjoyed most about him? The man has a huge, bulbous head. Absolutely huge. (If you wonder why this impresses me so much, just check my blog logo.)

Syesha Mercado was one of two I definitely felt would be a candidate to receive their ticket home this week, but she was brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Syesha blew the doors off “One Rock ‘N Roll Too Many” from “Starlight Express.” Is there any doubt she will follow Fantasia and Jennifer Hudson to Broadway?

This was Syesha’s MOMENT, hands down. I felt good for her, especially after all the verbal abuse she has taken, much of which has been deserved.

The other member of the final six I felt going in was a distinct possibility to get the boot was my ex-girlfriend, Brooke. And after last night, I have some advice for the woman I once envisioned as my wife.

Start packing, babe.

For the first time in Idol history, a finalist had to restart a song on live TV.

“I lost the lyric,” Brooke said afterward.

“You must never start and stop,” said the beacon of reason, judge Paula Abdul. (Might have been the first thing that made sense that she’s said all season.)

It was painful to watch Brooke work her way through “You Must Love Me” from “Evita.” It was difficult to concentrate on her performance following the restart, for obvious reasons. It had to be the longest two minutes of her Idol life.

While Brooke handled the situation with class and grace, it was still a massive, massive goof. At this level, those kind of things simply cannot be overlooked.

David Cook blessed us with “Music of the Night” from “Phantom of the Opera.” How good was it? I didn’t want him to quit singing — and just between you me, I’m not a real big Broadway type of guy. Just ask my blogging cohort, Kelly Wilson, who let me know Tuesday afternoon what Broadway shows some of the songs the Idols would be singing were from.

I can’t say it enough — David Cook is an incredible, incredible talent. I think he could sing the back of a box of Cheerios and make it interesting.

AND THEN THERE’S JASON …

He’s not the best, and never has been, but he’s always been my favorite, at least among the guys. (By the way, have they allowed Asia’h Epperson to rejoin the competition yet?)

Poor Jason was simply in over his head with his offering of “Memory” from “Cats.” He admitted he had limited knowledge of this genre of song. You and me both, buddy.

“I didn’t know a cat was singing this,” he said in the prerecorded interview.

But how can you hate our resident Jeff Spicoli, complete with a never-seen-before white suit? I think he’s safe for at least another week. I’d hate to see him go out like this.

LITTLE DAVID AND CARLY

As I’m writing this, I am simultaneously realizing there was not a horrible performance the entire evening — Brooke’s gaffe and Jason included — and that in itself is cause for celebration.

Almost overlooked was another quality effort from diminutive David Archuleta. He performed “Think of Me” from “Phantom of the Opera” and did it flawlessly. The more I think about it, the more I think David may be headed down a career path similar to Syesha.

There have been nights when Carly’s “Jesus Christ Superstar” would have been the performance of the evening. It was just her luck to have Syesha have her MOMENT, Brooke steal some of the thunder in an incredible negative sense and David Cook be … well, David Cook. It was no nice to see Carly smile and dress in something besides black (even if brown is a close cousin).

THIS WEEK’S RANKINGS
Last week’s rankings in parentheses

1. (1.) DAVID COOK: Simon Cowell said he preferred David’s grittier side. I’m not so sure. He was tremendous in this style.

2. (2.) DAVID ARCHULETA: Next week could be a test for Little David. He needs to show he can look as confident moving around the stage as standing still. Neil Diamond Week should provide that opportunity.

3. (3.) JASON CASTRO: This was his mulligan. He really didn’t have a chance.

4. (5.) SYESHA MERCADO: I think she’s safe, so putting back-to-back weeks together is now an absolute necessity.

5. (7.) CARLY SMITHSON: For the first time, I can honestly say I would like to watch her performance again.

6. (6.) BROOKE WHITE: It’s been a great ride, Brooke. Thanks for the memories. And if the recording thing doesn’t work out, you know how to get a hold of me.

READY, SET, GO: Brooke.

Kristy Lee’s improvement during
recent rounds should have earned
a chance to return next week.

I have to admit I wiped away a tear when it was announced Kristy Lee Cook was eliminated from American Idol.

Granted, I had kicked her when she was down, especially after that dreadful “Eight Days A Week” effort during Lennon and McCartney week. I once listed her odds of winning American Idol as 136 million to 1.

But I also praised her and wanted to marry her — saying I would leave Brooke White — when she somehow, some way reversed her fortunes and actually became a crowd favorite.

What made last night sad — yes, SAD — was that Kristy Lee DESERVED to stay, at least another week, if for no other reason than the degree of her improvement in recent rounds.

I sure hope she gets her horse back.

WHAT HATH THE BOGALUSA BOMBER WROUGHT?

Carly Smithson DESERVED to have been eliminated. She reminds me of Charlie Spikes, the former Indians outfielder with all the promise and little more than pedestrian production. At least the Bogalusa Bomber hit a few home runs. The only thing Carly hit during Tuesday night’s performance were wrong notes.

For Carly to not even have been in the bottom three was as much of a shock as the previous week’s elimination of Michael Johns.

SHE MAY REGRET THAT ATTITUDE

Brooke White COULD have been eliminated. For three straight weeks, her star has fallen. But one thing I can say about Brooke, she certainly looked better Wednesday night, although that was offset by snippy remarks late in the show.

When it was down to Kristy Lee and Brooke, the latter handled the situation with the grace of Ernie Holmes. I think that may come back to bite her next week.

Certainly, it’s tough and there is pressure, but there is no excuse or reason to lose your decorum the way she did.

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER WEEK IS NEXT

I know, I know … you are groaning, but this could actually be a great week for the Idols. Webber’s musicals are actually such masterpieces, even someone like me — who considers Bruce Springsteen “high brow” — appreciate them.

Many of Webber’s songs from “Jesus Christ Superstar,” “Evita,” “Cats” and “The Phantom of the Opera” have been widely recorded and were hits outside of those specific musicals.

Predictions for next week:

1. David Cook will blow us away.

2. David Archuleta will sing “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” from “Evita” and tell us it has a great message.

3. Carly Smithson will wear black.

4. Jason Castro will do something from “Cats.”

5. Syesha Mercado will sing “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” from “Jesus Christ Superstar.”

6. Brooke White will be eliminated.

NEIL DIAMOND WEEK IS COMING!

Unless the Idol producers throw a curve at us, following Andrew Lloyd Webber Week will be the show that pays tribute to Neil Diamond. This could be the best of any of the four “mentor” weeks. With dozens of quality songs to choose from, there is no excuse or reason for any of the remaining Idols at that time to bore us with unknown selections.

Neil Diamond Week might also be the first week when the Idols begin singing two songs each, which is always interesting. That is normally when it becomes — sometimes painfully — obvious who is going to reach the finals.

The fun, my friends, is just beginning.

Too bad Kristy Lee won’t be around to enjoy it with us.

Now we know why David Cook was
so emotional at the end of
his performance Wednesday night.

When the phone rang, I almost didn’t answer it.

After all, it was Tuesday evening and American Idol was only minutes old. David Archuleta had just brought the house down with his opening number on Mariah Carey Night.

About 10 minutes later, I was so glad I had picked up the phone.

“Do you realize what you’ve done to my wife?” the voice at the other end said.

It was an old buddy from my days in Ohio who now lives in Florida. Uncertain where he was going with that initial thought, I laughed and said, “What are you talking about?”

Dr. Alan Platt, a college professor and one of the brightest minds I have ever come in contact with, told me that his lovely wife, Kim, had become an American Idol junkie.

“I won’t keep you, because I know this is one of the most important nights of the week for you … and by the way, that David Archuleta looks like he should be wearing Mickey Mouse ears,” the good doctor said.

It seems that Kim, an incredibly successful businesswoman who spends many of her weeks criss-crossing the nation dealing with major executives, always makes time on Tuesday and Wednesday nights to watch American Idol.

“She started reading your blog … and became hooked,” Mr. Platt said. “It’s all your fault.”

Sensing an opportunity for a shameless plug (which this is), I told my friend I feel his pain. It was six years ago I was bitten by the Idol bug and have never been the same since.

“OK, we’ll talk more another time,” he said. “I just had to call and tell you.”

It was really nice to hear from the good doctor. Even better to hear about his wife.

Kim Platt, IdolNation salutes you!

OK, back to the reason we have all gathered here…

On a night that had all sorts of possibilities for one meltdown after another, it proved to be an amazing surprise — at least for the guys.

David Cook, David Archuleta and Jason Castro simply overwhelmed Brooke White, Carly Smithson, Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado.

There is no doubt we lose one of the girls tonight.

Take it to the bank.

I’ll be perfectly honest. I was REALLY rooting for David Cook to have a great night after learning his brother, Adam, 36, is undergoing chemotherapy for a second diagnosis of brain cancer. Adam was finally able to fly to the west coast this week and see his brother perform. The camera had one shot of him Tuesday night, and it was obvious he was in the midst of a tremendous physical battle.

That was why David Cook was so emotional at the end of his “Always Be My Baby” offering. I think we’ve seen a whole new David Cook the past month or six weeks following Simon’s comment(s) about him being smug. I didn’t think that remark was entirely fair at the time, but it seemed to have turned over a different side of young Mr. Cook, and we have all benefited.

Honestly, I didn’t think Cook’s “Always Be My Baby” was THAT amazing, but it was certainly outstanding. One of my daughters called me after the show, however, and talked non-stop about the performance. So maybe it was something of a generation gap thing.

Archuleta was superb with his “When You Believe” — and where did that falsetto come from? The Little Guy was at his best, probably his finest effort since “Imagine.” Good for him.

Castro’s “I Don’t Wanna Cry” choice had me worried, but he pulled it off — masterfully. It was not his best-ever effort and far from his MOMENT of a week ago with “Somewhere over the Rainbow,” but — to quote Randy — he worked it out, dawg.

The girls? Two were passable, two were not.

Syesha Mercado and Kristy Lee Cook were — by far — the best of the four, but that’s not saying a whole lot. Syesha’s “Vanishing” was interesting but not memorable, while Kristy Lee, who is always interesting, was not quite at the same level she had been in recent weeks. Too bad, because she could have just about guaranteed herself a spot in the final four if she had been.

Then there is Carly Smithson. Her familiar draped-in-dark choice of garb was so fitting on a night when she turned in the dreariest performance of her Idol career. “Without You” was all over the place and even hard to listen to, let alone watch. My gosh, put her out of her misery and vote her off the show.

And poor Brooke White. Even though she returned to sitting at the piano, it was not a good night. “Hero” was average at best. She is definitely in peril tonight.

THIS WEEK’S RANKINGS
Last week’s rankings in parentheses

1. (1.) DAVID COOK: I’ll make the prediction right now. There will be a new voting record established in this year’s finals, which at this point I would guess would be a battle of the Davids.

2. (2.) DAVID ARCHULETA: He closed the gap Tuesday night.

3. (3). JASON CASTRO: Why do I think a starring role in a remake of “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” is just waiting for this guy? What a day for a daydream, what a day for a daydreamin’ boy.

4. (5.) KRISTY LEE COOK: Yeah, you’re right. There’s quite a drop-off between Nos. 3 and 4. And that hurts me to say about my future wife.

5. (7.) SYESHA MERCADO: A sure bet for tonight’s bottom three with Carly and Brooke.

6. (6.) BROOKE WHITE: Her fall from grace is reminiscent of when Wendi Richter lost the women’s world wrestling championship in the 1980s.

7. (7.) CARLY SMITHSON: Remember what the scoreboard always read when pitcher Eric Gagne entered a game for the Dodgers at the height of his career? “Game over.”

READY, SET, GO: Carly, or possibly Brooke or Syesha.

The seven remaining contestants will be singing
Mariah Carey songs. That could be disastrous.

Oh my.

Tuesday night has the potential to be one of the most memorable American Idol shows of the season, for all the wrong reasons.

The seven remaining contestants will be singing Mariah Carey songs, a recipe that appears to be rich for disaster.

Think back … year after year our judges (Larry, Curly and Moe) have told Idol wannabes to never try and emulate Mariah. Never do a Mariah song. Never, never, never.

So what does Idol do? Schedule a Mariah week. Go figure.

If any of the Idol wannabes has a realistic chance of pulling this off it would seem to be Syesha Mercado. And if she does, it could result in another unexpected elimination.

Here are this blog’s odds of the chances for success by the remaining singers:

DAVID COOK: 5 to 1. Somehow, he will make his song selection interesting.

SYESHA MERCADO: 7 to 1. I would make her the favorite, except I’m sure she will try and take whatever song she chooses one length farther than she should.

JASON CASTRO: 8 to 1. There will be no in-between ground here. Our boy will either be the star of the night or in need of a lifeline for Wednesday’s results show.

DAVID ARCHULETA: 11 to 1. If he says whatever song he selects “has a great message,” I’ll reach right through my non-HDTV and slap him silly.

CARLY SMITHSON: 20 to 1. Better odds might be whether or not she dresses in black.

BROOKE WHITE: 25 to 1. Brooke’s had back-to-back lackluster weeks. Three strikes, and she’s probably out.

KRISTY LEE COOK: 80 to 1. I can’t see it happening, but with the roll she’s on, it’s silly to totally bet against her at this point.

For the record, Mariah will be appearing on Wednesday’s results show. Her appearance is not exactly out of goodwill or to be part of the American Idol phenomenon. The diva’s new CD hits stores on Wednesday.

It’s bad for us, but getting voted off
might be the best thing to happen to
Michael Johns.

Did you hear it?

That resounding thud of about 30 million jaws dropping to the floor. Or was it 31 million this week?

I’ll be the first to admit I never saw this one coming, because when Ryan Seacrest announced Thursday night that Michael Johns had been eliminated, I thought it would somehow wind up being some sort of gigantic tease.

But don’t cry for Michael or yourselves. Here’s why:

1. He’s going to have a fine career.

2. This really was not THAT unexpected.

Of course, Michael should not have been voted off, no more that Chris Daughtry should have been ousted in 2006 when he finished fourth.

More than anything else, I think enough voters had tired of Michael (notice how, at this stage of the competition, we’re on a first-name basis with all of the Idols?) not fulfilling what was perceived as his “potential.”

Think back — all but a handful of songs have left us feeling he was capable of so much more. And he is.

He will likely reach that potential once he signs a record contract and begins working with professionals who will polish both his performance and song choice.

This was arguably the best thing that could have happened to him. Bad for us, as fans, but good for him.

It wasn’t the end of Daughtry’s career when he was turned loose far sooner than he should have been. Things have also turned out pretty well for Bucky Covington, Kellie Pickler, Mandisa, Leona Lewis, Elliot Yamin, Josh Gracin, Blake Lewis, Phil Stacey, Kimberly Locke, Chris Sligh and others.

And I think it’s fair to say Michael Johns has more “potential” (there’s that word again) than any of those — by far.

Being crowned American Idol is not a lock for any sort of enduring success. I wonder what Taylor Hicks is thinking these days? And Ruben Studdard has hardly set the world on fire.

Michael Johns will be just fine. Yes, he should still be in the competition, but we’ll definitely be hearing from him again.

ON WITH THE SHOW

We’re down to seven now, and it gets more excruciating each week. I think we have three distinct camps of contestants remaining, and rather small camps at that.

THE CONTENDERS

DAVID COOK: Mr. I-still-look-like-I-need-a-shower must feel like the luckiest guy in the world. The removal of Michael is one less big-time bullet he has to dodge. I fully expect him to come back with a vintage David Cook performance next week — regardless of the genre — but if he disappoints again, we have seen what can happen.

DAVID ARCHULETA: Little David is basically bulletproof for at least four more weeks, which means he’s going to miss his high school prom. That’s kind of sad. Really.

THE CHALLENGERS

JASON CASTRO: Let’s see… He had five onstage appearances before entering American Idol, he doesn’t practice a whole lot and he bought the ukulele he played Tuesday night only a few days earlier. Is this guy lovin’ life or what? What a day for a daydream, what a day for a daydreamin’ boy.

BROOKE WHITE: She’s teetering. She has to bounce back next week, or it could be back to that nanny gig. She needs to go back to playing something on the piano, and most of all she needs to fluff or curl her hair. That look she comes out with every so often is reminiscent of a friend I had in junior high. He used to comb his hair with liquid soap and let it dry. He wound up in prison in Arizona for selling drugs. I think it all stemmed from that caked-up soap on his head.

THE PRETENDERS

KRISTY LEE COOK: As far as she has come, I can’t in good conscience move her up a category — yet. But thrill me again next week, Kristy Lee, and you can have the world.

CARLY SMITHSON: Did you see how nice she looked on Wednesday and Thursday nights? Good for her. That role in the next Night of the Living Dead sequel may have to wait.

SYESHA MERCADO: I don’t really know what to say to help her, because it seems she does not listen to anybody. What diva is left for her to try and immitate next week? She can only escape elimination so long.

Fergie stole the show with her one-hand
cartwheels and black leather pants.
Or was that Spandex?

I’ll be honest. I had no desire, no intention of watching “Idol Gives Back” Wednesday night.

I even found myself mildly perturbed, because I felt it was interrupting the flow of the competition and the sense of urgency that accompanies the weekly results show.

But a funny thing happened on my way to Apathy Avenue. And I’ll be happy to explain.

I couldn’t help but turn the proper channel to Idol when the time came — it is an addiction, you know — but promised myself I would only watch the first five or 10 minutes.

Some 2 1/2 hours later, I was still watching.

What a great show.

For all of its faults, for all of the critics and for all of its cheesiness, I am proud to say I am an American Idol fan.

Taking up the causes of Malaria No More, Children’s Defense Fund, The Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria, Children’s Health Fund and Save the Children, American Idol turned from entertainer to advocate.

When all the pledges, checks and donations are counted, there will likely be more than last year’s $76 million raised to combat poverty and disease around the globe, including in America.

What a great cause.

What a great show.

I’m glad I watched.

Here are my most memorable images from the show:

TOP PERFORMANCES

1. FERGIE with HEART: Fergie stole the number with her one-hand cartwheels and black leather (or was it spandex?) pants. She was the perfect compliment to Ann and Nancy Wilson. Ann Wilson has obviously been on my diet for the past 10 or 15 years, but still has one of the top voices in female rock history. And Nancy Wilson can still play that guitar. Wow, what a great performance. Can you say … “Ooooo, Barracuda!”

2. THE IDOLS: Their “Shout to the Lord” to end the show was classic. I remember the first time I heard Quincy’s Loretta Nobis sing that same song. No offense to the Idols, but Loretta was even better.

3. ANNIE LENNOX: Did she remind you of a (much) older Brooke White sitting at that piano? I have grown to appreciate Lennox’s work more in her latter years, and her “Many Rivers to Cross” was excellent.

4. JIMMY KIMMEL: He was vicious going after Simon Cowell. He was “that close” to stepping over the line. It was great.

5. CARRIE UNDERWOOD: She remains the all-time American Idol. Sorry, Kelly Clarkson, you’ll never be Carrie Underwood.

6. DAUGHTRY: Nice touch with the film of the band performing in Uganda.

7. MARIAH CAREY: Randy Jackson on guitar was the real highlight here.

8. SNOOP DOGG and CHARLIE WILSON: For all of his alleged faults, ol’ Snoop has a great voice.

9. GLORIA ESTEFAN: Her best days are behind her, but she’s still a great performer.

10. MILEY CYRUS: The girl can’t sing a lick, but she puts on a tremendous show.

TOP PERSONALITIES

1. BONO: Bono can’t save the world, but I admire his efforts to try. His commitment is unmatched.

2. ALICIA KEYS: What a beautiful person.

3. BILLY RAY CYRUS: I enjoyed the tour of Appalachia. What an eye-opener.

4. ELI and PEYTON MANNING: They made a sincere pitch for their hometown of New Orleans.

5. DAVID and VICTORIA BECKHAM: I just like to hear them talk.

6. MARIA SHRIVER: I know she means well, but she kind of scares me.

7. JIMMIE JOHNSON: He came from poor surroundings, and from all reports is a great guy. And now, the NASCAR champ has the opportunity to give back … and is.

8. JOHN CENA: The kind of guy you’d like to have over to watch the Ohio State-Michigan game.

9. KOBE BRYANT: Nice to see him smile for a change.

10. KYLIE MINOGUE: More than anything else, I like to say her name.

MISCELLANEOUS

WORST PERFORMANCE/PERSONALITY OF THE NIGHT: Ben Stiller, who was not funny, just really, really annoying.