I’m ready for Hollywood Week. Really, really ready.
For the first time in years, I found myself wishing the Idol auditions were over about halfway through Thursday night’s show. Only one singer from the New York/Puerto Rico tryouts made me take serious notice, but more about that in a few paragraphs.
I never thought I would say this, but two weeks of auditions would be plenty in 2010. Two weeks, four nights, two hours each. After getting spoiled with back-to-back two-hour efforts during premier week, these little one-hour tidbits seemed to be lacking, with the exception of Wednesday’s audition from Salt Lake City. Those zany Mormons can be so unpredictable.
Next week things get serious. There will be catfights and crying. I can’t wait.
My final audition observations:
Melinda Camille, 21: As likable as this girl was, there was something just not right about her. She was always smiling, walked around barefoot and said she liked to dance naked in her room. I used to see a lot of those types back in the ’70s, and Momma said beware of those who had harvested the magic mushrooms. Not sure what time warp Melinda may have missed, but I’m thinking she’d be a natural for that Stargate show. The weird thing was she could really sing. I think she will be eaten alive in Hollywood.
Jorge Nunez, 20: Jorge was one happy guy when he got his golden ticket. He sang some song in Puerto Rican that sounded interesting. He’s kind of a cross between Marc Anthony, Ricky Martin and Ricky Ricardo. No chance in Hollywood. None.
Alexis Cohen, 24: I never thought this foul-mouthed girl would dare show her face again after last year’s expletive-laced rant. She’s another one about four cents shy of a nickel.
Patricia Lewis Roman, 20: The judges were all over her for trying to sing Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” but eventually voted her through to Hollywood. Funny thing, when she came out, she initially reminded me of Asia’h Epperson, one of my all-time favorites who got axed way too early last year. The song that Asia’h sang that got her voted off? “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston. It’s a crazy world out there, folks.
Kendall Beard, 23: Blonde, sounded pretty good … but she’s no Rose Flack. She’ll be nothing more than chum in Hollywood.
Nick “Norman Gentle” Mitchell, 27: He was the comedian the Fab Four decided to give a golden ticket that at least a dozen others probably deserved. That kind of irritated me.
Jessika Baier, 20: She claimed to have been in 700 singing contests and that was how she supported herself. Not sure what to believe about that, because the girl certainly could not sing, but she obviously wasn’t starving either. The truth lies in the middle somewhere, I suppose.
Jackie Tohn, 27: This is the girl who has THE VOICE. She is Rose Flack to the next degree. That raspy, husky type that is so distinctive. When God gave her a larnyx, he may have been thinking about Janis Joplin. My only complaint with Jackie concerns her facial expressions. At times, they are almost grotesque. I remember Simon telling Clay Aiken about that very same thing in 2003, and it wound up being the most important advice he offered all that season. Clay stopped making faces when he was singing and the rest was history.
Monique Garcia Torres, 16: The judges put her through because of her cute little brother Christopher, who obviously had the most talent in the family. Monique will be an early exit in Hollywood.
Did you see that T-mobile commercial where the wife says to the husband, “You’ve had 11 bulldogs, all named Steve”? What a great line, and what a great name for a pet.
The weirdest commercial I have seen in many a moon is that H&R Block thing with those one-eyed people. One of my best friends once had a one-eyed dog. Name was Omar, the one-eyed wonder dog. The dog had a lot of trouble going around corners. The dog couldn’t wink, either.
The little woman and I hope to see “Taken” in the near future. Looks like a great picture, starring Liam Neeson. I’d also like to see “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.” You can throw the record books out when the vampires and werewolves go at it.
The Super Bowl is Sunday, if anyone really cares.
SImon: He DOES have a heart. I know it was probably staged and over-the-top corny, but when Simon called Adeola Adegoke’s boss to try and get her job back for her, I felt all warm and fuzzy. Adeola had quit her job because she was sure she was going to Hollywood. She was, of course, terrible. Score: 10
Kara: She needs some of those protein shakes or something. She looks like the Idol tour is taking a toll. I’d put her on Stevie E.’s one-week fast track to better health and plump her up a bit. Score: 8
Paula: I think our resident Nutso was ready for the auditions to end, too. Paula kind of mailed this one in. Score: 4
Randy: The Dawg was rather lively. I liked it. He’s gettin’ his vibe ready for Hollywood Week. Score: 8
Season standings: Simon 65, Kara 53, Randy 39, Paula 38.
Auditions champ: Simon.
From those auditioners we have seen through the first seven shows who have received decent air time:
1. Rose Flack, 17. (Salt Lake City audition)
2. Danny Gokey, 28. (Kansas City audition)
3. Adam Lambert, 26. (San Francisco audition)
4. Lil Rounds, 23. (Kansas City)
5. Emily Wynne-Hughes, 21. (Phoenix audition)
6. David Osmond, 29. (Salt Lake City)
7. Scott MacIntire, 22. (Phoenix)
8. Frankie Jordan, 24. (Salt Lake City)
9. Michael Sarver, 27. (Phoenix)
10. Jackie Tohn, 27. (New York audition)
Honorable mention: Meghan Corkrey, 23. (Salt Lake City); Jasmine Murray, 16 (Jacksonville audition); Leneshe Young, 18. (Louisville audition); Anne Marie Boskovich, 23 (Jacksonville); Melinda Camille, 21 (New York); Bikini Girl (Katrina Darrell), 20. (Phoenix) Stevie Wright, 16. (Phoenix); Von Lee Smith, 22. (Kansas City); Jamar Rogers, 26. (Kansas City); Asa Barnes, 20. (Kansas City); Kai Kalama, 26. (San Francisco); Taylor Valfuina, 16 (Salt Lake City).
Next: Hollywood Week.