There are times when my wife accuses me of doing, saying — or even plotting — things that are so far above my abilities it is hilarious.

“I’m not that smart,” I tell her. “Don’t give me so much credit.”

I realize she can’t help holding me in such "esteem," so I accept it. Remember, she considers herself the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. (At least that’s what I tell her.)

Anyway, I feel like I am answering one of those types of questions from her today. Somehow I have lost six pounds. Don’t know where it went, don’t know how it got there, but it — or “they,” as in pounds — are gone.

I’m sure they’ll be back someday, and that’s why I never really say I have “lost” weight. I prefer to look at those pounds as simply being on hiatus.

I LIKE TO EAT

If you have been a follower of my plight in this blog, I have been making a serious effort (snicker, snicker) to drop a few pounds before I put on my Speedo for the summer months.

My problem, though, is like to eat — a lot. And I like to eat a lot of things at places like Daylight Doughnuts, Pizza Hut, Gem City Pizzeria, Deters Frozen Custard … you get the picture. And I’m not ashamed of that.

And I don’t try and rationalize my dietary attitude. It is what it is. My favorite place at work is Snackland, a rather impressive array of vending machines near the break room here at The Herald-Whig.

When I was a sports writer in my first life, I would mentally grade sporting events I covered by their concession stands. Fellow scribes would talk about the touchdown pass in Jacksonville, the jumper at the buzzer in Springfield or the home run in Collinsville.

Me? I filed things away like the butterfly pork chops in Mendon, the venison in Pleasant Hill and the “nacho mess” at North Shelby. (By the way, for the life of me, I will never forget that venison stand at the Pleasant Hill football game, circa 1999 on a cold, rainy Saturday night.)

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

I am convinced this weight loss has not been a sudden thing. I’m guessing it’s been about a pound a week for about six weeks. That’s about how long ago I gave up — for the most part — drinking regular pop, or “soda” as he natives here like to say.

Instead, I have been drinking diet pop — err, soda — for the exception of an occasional Classic Coke on the rocks. Classic Coke is one of the top 10 pleasures in life, and I’m sorry, but I can’t go completely cold turkey with this thing.

The diet soda has been about my only real concession to a “diet,” other than cutting back on some evening snacks and noon desserts.

You can’t rush into these kind of things.

I figure at my current rate of roughly a pound a week, I should be at the weight prescribed my fitness charts in the year 2099.

(To be continued)

Just when you thought all of the loose cannons were gone, more have arrived on the scene:

NOSE PICKER: Taiwan’s cabinet will soon lose one of its more colorful members who was famous for sleeping in parliament, shouting at legislators and picking his nose. Tu Cheng-sheng, education minister since 2004, will step down next month. Tu, 63, a former National Palace Museum director, magazine editor and visiting Harvard University scholar, was filmed sleeping at an October 2007 parliament meeting. He was filmed deliberately picking his nose in public as a reaction to criticism for dozing off. Tu also racked up the highest absentee rate of any cabinet member since 2004.

Comment: This guy is one class act, eh?

GRAND THEFT: Police in Kinshasa, Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur. Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week and quickly dominated radio call-in shows. Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Comment: I have no comment.

Katie Holmes says her marriage to Tom Cruise
is not in jeopardy.

KATIE HOLMES: One celebrity magazine is reporting actress
Katie Holmes is making an effort to let everyone know her marriage to
actor Tom Cruise is not in jeopardy. Cruise’s popularity and career
have steadily gone downhill in recent years following a series of
strange behaviors in public and his glorifying of Scientology.

Comment: You might want to rethink that position, Katie.

JOE GIRARDI: The New York Yankees manager has banned candy and ice cream in the team’s clubhouse in an effort to create a more healthy diet. Yankees players, meanwhile, have been seen smuggling in the banned items.

Comment: Well, there goes my career with the Yanks. I couldn’t live in a (club)house with those kind of rules.

RACHEL MADDOW: The MSNBC political analyst said Fox News exists simply to destroy the Democratic Party.

Comment: Uhhh, Rachel … no more so than MSNBC exists simply to destroy the Republican Party. Can’t we all just get along?

Pop Culture Friday is back! You get the first chance to know who and what’s hot, plus who and what’s not. Let’s rock and roll …

WHAT’S HOT

Plot details for "Saw V" have not
been released, but it should be in
theaters by Halloween.

“SAW V”: The hype has started early for the next installment of the already legendary horror franchise. Release date for the fifth film in the series is Oct. 24, the Friday before Halloween, which of course is a “Saw” tradition. Plot details have not yet been revealed, but filming began last month in Toronto. The countdown has started ….

MILEY CYRUS/HANNAH MONTANA: Miley Cyrus has signed a seven-figure book deal with Disney Book Group, the teen star’s publisher announced earlier this week. Well, she’s got a lot to tell. After all, she is 15 now.

OHIO STATE FOOTBALL: Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel and his sweater vest must be living right. Not only Ohio State win the recruiting war with arch rival Michigan for coveted high school quarterback Terrelle Pryor, the No. 1 prep recuit in the nation, but earlier this week it was announced offensive lineman Justin Boren has decided to join the Buckeyes program after leaving Michigan. The sophomore offensive lineman left the Michigan program last month, saying its “family values have eroded” under new coach Rich Rodriguez. Tressel says Boren plans to put on the scarlet and gray after sitting out the 2008 season as required by NCAA transfer rules.

TOYOTA: First, Toyota becomes a dominant force in NASCAR and now this news. Toyota Motor Corp. has taken the first-quarter global automotive sales lead from General Motors, selling 2.41 million vehicles to GM’s 2.25 million over the first three months of the year. The most alarming part of this report may have been that 64 percent of GM’s sales came from outside the United States.

RYAN SEACREST: Reality TV hosts such as Ryan Seacrest of “American Idol” are now eligible for an Emmy Award. A category recognizing “outstanding host for a reality or reality-competition program” has been created by the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences and will be presented at the 60th annual Emmys in September. The award recognizes that reality TV has become “an integral part of television and our culture,” according to an Associated Press story. Other potential nominees are Howie Mandel of “Deal or No Deal,” Tyra Banks of “America’s Next Top Model,” Ty Pennington of “Extreme Makeover Home Edition,” Jeff Foxworthy of “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?” and Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris of “Dancing With the Stars.”

WHAT’S NOT

RICHIE SAMBORA: Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora could be looking at jail time following a pair recent DUI charges. If convicted, the former husband of Heather Locklear and boyfriend of Cher and Denise Richards could spend six months behind bars. Until his May 7 arraignment, Sambora will be Living on a Prayer.

Steve-O pleaded innocent
to a cocaine possession charge.

STEVE-O: Here’s a surprise — NOT. Steve-O, the stunt-performing star of the MTV series “Jackass” and its movie spinoffs, pleaded innocent (*wink,* *wink*) this week to a cocaine possession charge stemming from a March arrest in Hollywood. The 33-year-old reality-television star, whose real name is Stephen Glover, entered his plea in a Los Angeles courtroom and was ordered to return on May 13 for a hearing in the case. Glover is one of several pranksters who made a name for himself doing outrageous stunts on the “Jackass” show. The two “Jackass” movies that followed in 2002 and 2006 were surprise hits at box offices with combined ticket sales of more than $160 million worldwide. The British-born performer has a long history of legal woes.

DELTA AIR LINES: Delta Air Lines Inc., the nation’s third-largest carrier, said this week it lost a whopping $6.39 billion the first quarter of the year because of soaring fuel prices and the steep decline in the company’s market value. Good grief, how bad was it for No. 4 on down?

SERGIO GARCIA: Yahoo sports columnist Michael Arkush ranks Garcia, the one-time boy wonder, as the most disappointing golfer in the world. “In six appearances (this year), Garcia has yet to break into the top 10, with 11 of his 17 rounds at 70 or above. It would be absurd to write him off, but he’s 28 and has not come close to realizing his potential. "In his last five majors, he has made it through the whole weekend only once,” Arkush writes.

WNBA: The women’s pro basketball league starts its 17th season May 12. Who knew? I must have missed the first 11.

ESPN has created a monster
in Mel Kiper Jr.’s hair, but
I’ll be there watching Saturday.

I love the NFL draft on ESPN.

Not as much as fantasy baseball, American Idol, Quincy Raceways or blogging, but it ranks right up there.

This year’s draft marathon unfolds at 2 p.m. Saturday and will end sometime in our lifetime.

The best things about the NFL draft are:

1. MEL KIPER JR.: ESPN has created this monster, but what a great guy. He knows everything about everything. I love to hear him talk.

2. MEL KIPER JR.’s HAIR: But it’s hard to concentrate on him as the day advances and that crazy ‘do starts to come unglued.

3. IT NEVER ENDS: Really, the NFL draft never ends. It will take six years to complete Saturday’s first two rounds.

4. PIZZA: You can make at least two orders during Saturday’s draft. You can’t even do that during the first weekend of the NCAA tournament.

5. INFORMATION: There is just so much thrown at you. For weeks, I feel like an NFL expert, but then reality sets in, and I ultimately finish last my fantasy football league.

6. CHRIS BERMAN: Boomer used to rank higher on this list, but he’s lost some of his edge. Maybe it’s age or just the fact he’s on TV so infrequently these days I don’t get as big of a kick out him anymore.

7. NASCAR: It is the only time of the year when I will switch from a NASCAR event to anything that has to do with NFL. But I only do it during NASCAR commercials. (By the way, it’s Talladega weekend and maybe those "Cars of Tomorrow" will finally get into a full-fledged crash.)

8. FIRST-ROUND DRAFTEES’ INTERVIEWS: They’re so terrible, they’re interesting. And it’s always fun to watch them put on the cap of the team that drafted them.

9. FIRST-ROUND DRAFTEES’ SUITS: If you have ever watched the NFL or NBA drafts you will understand this comment. Let’s just say some of the outfits we will see Saturday will be collector’s items soon afterward.

10. SUZY KOLBER: The resident ESPN sports babe will have some role. Whatever it is, it will be worth watching.

The "Ultimate Warrior"
now just goes by "Warrior."

So you won’t have to stay up late at night and worry what happed to some of your favorite celebrities, once again we provide this service.

THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR, pro wrestler: The former WWE superstar has officially changed his name to “Warrior.” He runs a political blog that “does not tolerate political correctness,” and you will be greeted with: “Welcome to Warrior Web. The official web presence of the man who created, performed and owns The Ultimate Warrior. I am that man. My (full, legal) name is Warrior.” For those wondering, he once went by Jim Hellwig outside the ring. Methinks he may have been body-slammed one too many times.

THE SOUP NAZI: Arguably the most famous of the minor characters from “Seinfeld,” Larry Thomas, the "Soup Nazi," was a popular guy after his stint on Jerry’s show. He was seen on “General Hospital,” “CSI,” “Scrubs” and numerous other major network airings. He also played a Saddam lookalike on “Arrested Development,” and Osama Bin Laden in the upcoming movie “Postal.”

"WKRP in Cincinnati"
was Jan Smithers’
only real acting gig.

THE ASSOCIATION: For kids in junior and senior high school in the late 1960s, this was THE romantic group. The Association had such hits as “Cherish,” “Windy,” “long Comes Mary” and “Never, My Love.” I once had tickets to see these guys perform in Mansfield, Ohio, in the late 1970s — and they never showed up. They are currently playing their songs and traveling the country performing with other pop and rock groups from that era, most notably Paul Revere and the Raiders and the Kinks.

DONNA DOUGLAS, “The Beverly Hillbillies": Although the devout Christian attempted a career as a gospel-country singer following the end of the 1960s sitcom, her claim to fame has always been as “Elly May,” the daughter of Jed Clampett. At last report, Douglas, 74, still resided in Los Angeles, working in real estate and serving as a spokeswoman for animal rights.

KARIN JAN SMITHERS, “WKRP": She played Bailey Quarters and was arguably as popular as series star Loni Anderson. But Quarters never received the same level of media acclaim as her blonde bombshell co-star. At last report, Smithers, 57, was living in southern California considering a return to acting, even though “WKRP” is the only real gig she ever had. Smithers was married to actor James Brolin from 1986-1995, but the two divorced amid rumors that Barbra Streisand stole her man.

It would be impossible to make this stuff up:

FREDDIE JOHNSON: The New York City resident has been arrested 53 times for groping women on the subway. His most recent arrest came shortly after he was released from prison.

Comment: And he’s not still in prison because why?

FOLK SINGER JENS LEKMAN: “Getting my hair cut is a very special moment for me. It’s an intimate, almost religious experience.” The folk singer described getting a trim the way most would convey emotions associated with having children or falling in love.

Comment: He should go my barber. He’d change his mind in a hurry.

PASS THE AIR FRESHENER: An Indiana Department of Transportation driver was cited for an unsecured load — no pun intended — last week. He was hauling a truckload of human feces on Interstate 55 near Crown Point when the load spilled onto the roadway near the northwestern Indiana town. The highway had to be closed during a rather lengthy cleanup. The driver told police he was hauling treated human feces from a water recycling plant when the load spilled.

Comment: Talk about a job that stinks.

TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS: A Romanian man was recently been fined for making 6,442 profane phone calls to an emergency number. The 24-year-old man, who lives in a village in southern Romania, was identified and fined the equivalent of $223 in April after a medical examination showed he was mentally sound. Police did not identify the caller, but a local newspaper said he was a well-digger, and reported that he called the 112 emergency number from November to January to swear at the operators. He used a prepaid mobile phone, which does not immediately make it possible to identify the caller, police said.

Comment: I wonder if he went over his minutes?

AND JUST HOW DRUNK WAS THIS GUY?: Yury Lyalin, 53, a Russian factory worker got so drunk one night last week he failed to realize he had had a six-inch knife stuck in his back, between his shoulder blades. A newspaper report said Lyalin stabbed by a security guard as the two were having a drunken argument. Passing out at the factory, Lyalin,awoke the next morning and attempted to resume his work duties, but was sent home by his superiors due to his inebriated state. No one noticed the blade stuck between his shoulders. Lyalin took a meandering course home — at first missing his bus stop — had a bite to eat, decided to lie down for a while and was only alerted to the knife in his spine when his wife woke him hours later, the newspaper reported. The knife “went into soft tissue and by pure luck did not touch any vital organs,” said a doctor who treated Lyalin. Lyalin was philosophical after the event: “We got drunk together. Things happen when you drink,” he said.

Comment: How do you “idiot” in Russian?

Who’s a roll, and who isn’t? That’s why we’re here to help every Friday:

POP CULTURE POP FIVE

Support British pig
farmers and "Stand
By Your Ham."

TAMMY WYNETTE: The late country singer’s popularity has been revived, at least in Great Britain. The National Pig Association in Great Britain is using a take on Wynette’s “Stand By Your Man” to drum up public support for pig farmers, who are losing money at an alarming rate, due in part to the soaring cost of corn and soybeans. The campaign is called “Stand By Your Ham.” The success of this venture has not been lost on American farmers. Gary Truitt, a columnist for Farm World, recently offered a couple of other possibilities: A take-off on Jim Croce’s “Time in a Bottle” (”Swine in a Bottle”) and Franki Valli and the Four Seasons’ “Walk Like a Man” (”Taste Like a Ham”).

JOHN ADAMS: No, not THAT John Adams. This John Adams is a drum beater (literally) for the Cleveland Indians. He’s done this for the last 35 years, hauling his bass drum to the top row of the center-field bleachers for virtually every home game. Adams has missed only 34 home games in those 35 years. The 56-year-old, who works for AT&T computer systems, is the only baseball fan to have a bobblehead dedicated to him. The Indians annually offer him free season tickets, but he continues to buy two tickets for every game, one for himself and one for his drum. Last October, the Indians honored him by having throw out the first ball of the American League Divisional Series.

TONY LARUSSA: He has the Cardinals off to a flying start in a season when some pundits wondered if they could beat out the Pirates for fifth place in the National League Central. Are the Cardinals doing it with smoke and mirrors? Who cares! They’re doing it.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The popular CBS show is doing what most experts thought impossible, challenging “American Idol” in the latest Nielsen Media Research ratings. No. 3-ranked CSI is knocking on the door of Idol’s No. 2-ranked Wednesday night results show. Idol’s Tuesday night performance show is still comfortably No. 1, which it has been for the past four years, but its hold on the No. 2 spot could be in jeopardy if CSI’s momentum continues.

ROCK ON: The hottest-selling tour tickets currently belong to concerts featuring: 1. Bon Jovi, 2. Spice Girls, 3. Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band, 4. Van Halen and 5. George Strait. Rankings supplied by Pollstar.

POP CULTURE BOTTOM FIVE

Milly D’Abbracio:
"The derriere of
the Socialist party."

MILLY D’ABBRACCIO: She gives new meaning to the bottom five. D’Abbraccio, a veteran of Italy’s adult entertainment industry, had “no desire to be just another smiling face in Italian politics,” according to Reuters News Service. So when she designed her campaign posters, she decided to show off her bottom. If elected, D’Abbraccio wants to create a red light area with strip clubs, erotic discos and sex shops called “Love City,” located a short distance from the Vatican. “I am the derriere of the Socialist party,” she said.

CLEVELAND INDIANS: All the hoopla about the Chicago Cubs not having won a World Series in 100 years tends to overshadow the frustration along Lake Erie. The Tribe is second on that waiting list, having not won a world championship in 60 years. Cleveland has not been to the World Series since 1997, when it lost the seventh and deciding game to the Florida Marlins in 12 innings. Are Indians fans bitter? NO, WE’RE NOT BITTER!! NOT AT ALL!!

CALIFORNIA: California faces an almost certain risk of being rocked by a strong earthquake by 2037, scientists said this week. New calculations reveal there is a 99.7 percent chance a magnitude 6.7 quake or larger will strike in the next 30 years. The odds of such an event are higher in Southern California than Northern California. “It basically guarantees it’s going to happen,” said Ned Field, a geophysicist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Pasadena and lead author of the report.

KEITH RICHARDS: The Rolling Stones’ 64-year-old guitar player said  “I can’t remember yesterday. I smoke my head off. I smoke weed all the damn time.” Richards explained to a London newspaper he faces a serious challenge compiling his already-sold autobiography. Richards has become known far and wide as "the only life form more resilient than a cockroach," according to www.spinner.com, which went on to say his appetite for partying should have killed him 10 times in the 1970s alone. His legendary status as a druggie makes those kinds of claims easier to believe was easy to believe his claim that he once snorted his father’s cremains mixed with cocaine.

JOHN AND CINDY McCAIN: The GOP candidate’s campaign was embarrassed this week when an intern posted recipes on the McCain Web site. The recipes had been copied and pasted from the Food Network and Rachel Ray and falsely passed off as Cindy McCain’s.

We’re all affected by movies in some fashion, and each genre of film moves us in a different way.

Jeff Spicoli and Mister Hand … who said
you can’t order pizza to the classroom?

For me, the single-greatest comedy of all-time is "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," the 1982 coming-of-age classic. Along with being downright hilarious in spots, the film helped launch more movie and television careers than the casual film fan might ever imagine.

If these blogs had started a year ago, we could say we are celebrating the 25th anniversary of the film. Instead, let’s just celebrate what a great film "Fast Times" was then — and remains today.

Whenever I see "Fast Times" is showing on some cable or satellite channel I have to stop and watch for at least few minutes. Each time I see it, I become more convinced it is the closest thing to a perfect (comedy) cast that has ever been assembled.

See if you remember, see if you agree …

SEAN PENN

Who would have ever guessed that Penn, who absolutely nailed the "Jeff Spicoli" charcater (think Jason Castro of "American Idol" fame) would 26 years later be regarded as one of Hollywood’s premier acting and directing talents? Throw in a career as a political activist, too. To this day, I think his best role remains Spicoli. Anyone older than 30 will probably agree with that.

Jennifer Jason Leigh as
"Stacy Hamilton"

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH

The intelligent, but shy "Stacy Hamilton," arguably the most likable character in the movie, was impossible not to adore. She eventually graduated to more high-brow and artsy-type films and is regarded as a major film talent. She’s also made her mark in some mainstream movies such as "Single White Female."

PHOEBE CATES

Her role as "Linda Barrett" will always be remembered for the exiting of the pool wearing the red bikini scene. Let’s leave it at that. Cates has not pursued many acting toles in the last 15 years or so, concentrating instead on raising three kids. She is married to actor Kevin Kline.

Judge Reinhold as
"Brad Hamilton"

JUDGE REINHOLD

This was Reinhold’s first major movie, playing "Brad Hamilton," who considered his managerial position at a local fast food eatery on the same level as president of IBM. He went on to a successful career of supporting  roles in film, but one of his most memorable appearances
came on an episode of NBC sitcom "Seinfeld." Reinhold was Elaine’s "close talking" boyfriend.

RAY WALSTON

His role as "Mr. Hand," who was constantly at odds with Spicoli, was another of the film’s highlights. Walston will always be remembered for his role in the 1960s sitcom "My Favorite Martian." He died in 2001 at age 86.

NICOLAS CAGE

This was Cage’s silver screen debut. He was still going by his birth
name, Nicolas Coppola and had a brief appearance as a friend of Brad
Hamilton. I guess it’s safe to say Cage was able to carve out a career
himself. The highlight to date has been an Oscar for "Leaving Las
Vegas." I kind of liked "Con Air," too.

ERIC STOLTZ

Eric Stoltz, left, and Anthony
Edwards, right, as Spicoli’s
stoner buddies

His movie debut came as one of Spicoli’s stoner pals and later
earned a Golden Globe for his role in "Mask" as Cher’s deformed son. A
little-known fact about his career saw him originally cast as Marty
McFly in "Back to the Future," but was replaced by Michael J. Fox after
shooting began. He also was part of one of my favorite all-time movies,
"Some Kind of Wonderful," with Mary Stuart Masterson. He’s now best
known for his directorial efforts, specifically "Law and Order."

ANTHONY EDWARDS

Another of Spicoli’s "stoner buds," Edwards, of course went on to
greater fame in "Top Gun" With Tom Cruise and NBC’s television hit
series "ER."

FOREST WHITAKER

Only a diehard movie buff would remember Whitaker as the high school
football, Charles Jefferson, at Ridgemont High. Whitaker has gone on to
a fabulous career as a leading man, ultimately winning an Oscar for his
effort in "The Last King of Scotland."

Forest Whitaker as
"Charles Jefferson"

There were others associated with this film who moved on to bigger and better things — the late Vincent Schiavelli, Cameron Crowe, Amy Heckerling and Nancy Wilson (of "Heart" fame), to name a few — but I think you get the idea.

Entertainment Weekly magazine lists "Fast Times" as the No. 2 all-time on its top 50 list of high school movies. Bravo ranks it No. 15 on the "100 Funniest Movies" of all-time. The American Film Institute once listed it No. 87 among its 100 most important movies.

Those numbers are all nice, but to me, "Fast Times" will always be No. 1.

And to this day, I am grateful a sequel never was made.

Why mess with (almost) perfection?

Remember when Saturday Night Live was funny? I mean laugh-until-you-cry funny, not the current version we have that is borderline unwatchable.

I tried — again — to watch a few minutes of SNL over the weekend and turned the channel in disgust after less than two skits.

How does this show even stay on the air anymore? It has been on life support for the better part of two decades. SNL has been living longer on its name and without delivering than the Chicago Cubs.

The saddest thing about the ongoing demise of this once-proud comedic vehicle is that today’s generation has no appreciation of SNL’s genius that lit up an decade covering the late 1970s and early 1980s.

It’s no great revelation that SNL is now terrible television, and for my generation it is tough to remember it wasn’t always that way. The show has given a lot to our pop culture, specifically in the form of individual talent. Let’s always try and remember that the next time we tune in and wince.

Here’s my top 10 performers produced by SNL:

Eddie Murphy was hysterical
as "Buckwheat."

1. EDDIE MURPHY: As hilarious as he was on the show, his greatest fame came post-SNL. Many felt Murphy was the second coming of Richard Pryor. He wound up being the first Eddie Murphy.

2. JOHN BELUSHI: One of the original zanies, who knows the legacy Belushi could have left behind if not for his substance abuse(s). He’ll always be remembered for his "comically intense, volatile, obnoxious and sloppy characters," as one review of his life read. Belushi’s expressive eyes and the solitary raised eyebrow also were trademarks. And we’ll never forget "Animal House" and the "Blues Brothers." Rest in peace, big boy.

3. BILL MURRAY: He joined SNL following the departure of Chevy Chase. I always loved his "lounge singer" routines. He’s arguably enjoyed the most distinguished  film career of any of the SNL alumni.

4. DAN AYKROYD: He was not a favorite of mine at first, but he won me over with the "Coneheads" and his deadpan humor.

How could you not laugh
when Farley danced with
Patrick Swayze?

5. CHRIS FARLEY: The late comedian’s fat-guy-in-a-little-coat routine still cracks me up. He appeared to be an heir to the Belushi style of humor, but he, too, was unable to control the vices that often accompany celebrity. Farley was one of a handful of talents that surfaced during the years when SNL as a concept was beginning to falter.

6. WILL FERRELL: He may be the final major star produced by SNL. Ferrell is more of a modern-day Chevy Chase than anything else.

7. CHEVY CHASE: He was the original anchor for the Weekend Update segment, introducing himself with the catch phrase "I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not." Many feel he was the founding father of such shows as "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" we see today on cable.

Chris Rock as "Nat X"
was a classic impersonation.

8. JON LOVITZ: He was a part of the second wave of talent that kept the show going in the mid-1980s. I absolutely loved his role of Tommy Flanagan, the pathological liar.

9. CHRIS ROCK: Some of his impersonations of black celebrities were classic. So was his role of "Nat X," the militant African-American host of "The Dark Side."

10. MIKE MYERS: His "Wayne Campbell" character from the "Wayne’s World" segments were usually terriffic, if for no other reason than they eventually allowed him to evolve into "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" movie fame.

SNL has been around for 33 years. It’s a shame the majority of the last 20 or so have not even been close to what the early years contributed.

Today we begin a new feature that will likely be appearing most Mondays. I say "most Mondays," because my intentions are good, but there might a week here and there when I am overwhelmed on Sundays by watching NASCAR on television and reporting from Quincy Raceways.

I’m but one man.

There are always plenty of knuckleheads who regularly appear in the news, and this blog will try and make sure you don’t miss the premier knucklehead-lines. If anyone knows what stupid is all about it’s me, and you have my word on that.

American Idol host Ryan Seacrest has been flogged
for how he handled Michael Johns being voted off
last week’s show.

This week’s biggest knuckleheads:

1. RYAN SEACREST, "American Idol" host: Seacrest has been under fire for what was either an ill-suited or unintentional low blow toward contestant Michael Johns, whose surprising elimination last week has almost been overshadowed by Seacrest’s actions. Seacrest delivered the bad news to Johns in front of the show’s live audience of about 25 million, but only after a cruel insinuation that he might be safe. In 2007, no contestant was ousted on "Idol Gives Back" week.

Not until Johns’ eyes lit up with a glimmer of hope did Seacrest hand him his walking papers: "Sorry, Michael, your journey ends tonight." The thousands of Internet chat rooms and Web sites that track the show have been slamming Seacrest for a week.

Comment: And rightly so. Seacrest has now sunk below judge Paula Abdul as the show’s resident dullard.

2. STALKING PRIEST:  A Boston priest apologized in a New York court last week for stalking U.S. television host Conan O’Brien and his family and accepted an order to stay away from the comedian’s home and office for two years.

The Rev. David Ajemian, 48, a priest in the Archdiocese of Boston, was arrested in November 2007 during a taping of NBC’s "Late Night with Conan O’Brien" at New York City’s Rockefeller Plaza. Wearing khakis and a wrinkled overcoat, Ajemian said in court that from September 2006 until his arrest he sent letters, postcards and packages to O’Brien’s New York home and to the NBC studio.

In one letter to the comedian, written on parish stationary, Ajemian referred to himself as "your priest stalker" and suggested he could be a guest on O’Brien’s show. He has been placed on leave by the Archdiocese of Boston.

Comment: Conan O’Brien? Conan O’Brien? What was wrong with … umm … say, Montel Williams?

3. CHILEAN GOVERNMENT: Chile’s government last week publicly apologized after a woman was forced to give birth in the lavatory of a public hospital. Bernadita Vega, 37, from Peru, arrived at a public hospital in the capital Santiago in labor, and waited two hours for a doctor to see her. Ultimately, her partner helped her deliver a baby boy in a hospital restroom. The government later apologized.

Comment: I wonder if the hospital charged her for a private room?

4. LOCKDOWN: A bid by a local government in Indonesia’s East Java province to curb prostitution by asking masseuses to wear a padlock on their pants.

Comment: This is one of those cases when a picture would be worth a thousand words.

5. SCOTT SPIEZIO, former Cardinals player: The Braves released the troubled infielder less than two weeks with organization. Braves GM Frank Wren said the team and Spiezio had agreed that he would submit to testing, continue his rehabilitation and report to the ballpark each day prepared to play. "Yesterday, he was not ready to play," Wren said last Saturday.

Comment: Poor Spiezio, he sounds like Britney Spears in a baseball uniform.