It’s time for lunch — again!

Here are the 10 individuals (or groups) I would like to sit across the table from, and if you count 11, here your eyes are correct. I’m from Big Ten country, where “10″ actually means “11.” And if you are not a football fan, you probably have no clue what I just said.

1. MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD: Outside of the litle creep that runs North Korea, is there a more despised man in the world right now than the Iranian leader? I guess George W. had it right when he lumped Iran and North Korea into that axis of evil thing. First question I would have for Mahmoud is, “Really, who do you think you are fooling?” Lunch at: Kutter’s on the riverfront. Hopefully, Mahmoud would cause some sort of fracas so owner Paul Holtschlag could toss him out the front door — and into the Mississippi River.

2. MARK SANFORD (right): Life is about choices, and the South Carolina governor has not been doing too well in that department. I would advise him to resign, cut his losses … and since America is such a forgiving nation, he would probably have the opportunity to resurrect his political — or another related — career down the road. Lunch at: O’Griff’s, because there are quite a few law offices nearby. I think the guv will be needing some of that kind of advice real soon.

3. CONAN O’BRIEN: I would beg him to quit The Tonight Show immediately so NBC can actually put someone on in that time slot who is funny. Lunch at: Red Lobster in St. Louis, where afterward we could go see a real comedian at one of the comedy clubs. Conan needs to learn how a joke should be designed to make people laugh, not encourage them to change channels and watch David Letterman.

4. WILL FERRELL: I would probably invite Will to join Conan and myself, since it’s obvious he no longer has a clue about what is funny. That “Land of the Lost” debacle is going to haunt his career for a long, long time. Lunch at: If not Red Lobster in St. Louis with Conan, then at the snackstand at Showplace 6 in Quincy where I went to see “Land of the Lost.” I still regret not walking out on that horrible, horrible movie.

5. RYAN O’NEAL (left): How can you not admire this guy for the way he handled himself during the months leading up to the death of his longtime partner, Farrah Fawcett? I would like to thank him for the courage he probably gave others in the same situation. Lunch at: Jorge the Crook’s would provide the perfect atmosphere to hear how much he loved her for so many years.

6. QUINCY SCHOOL BOARD: Oh boy, where does a guy start? All of the bizarre scenarios surrounding this elected body could never be made into a movie because no one would believe it. Lunch, however, could be mighty interesting. Lunch at: Golden Corral in Hannibal, because I will definitely need some seconds (and thirds) listening to what I would hear during this kind of roundtable.

7. JON AND KATE GOSSELIN: These two give reality TV an even worse reputation. Lunch at: McDonald’s, because I’m sure they would be bringing those eight kids along, too. Get the Happy Meals ready.

8. BRIAN WILLIAMS (right): I thoroughly love hearing Brian Williams tell me what is happening in the world each night. He is the best, by far, of any the network anchors. I wonder if he would order his food in the same voice he delivers the news? Lunch at: El Rancherito. I’m betting Brian is a taco or fajita kind of guy.

9. REGIS PHILBIN: Does anyone enjoy life more than Regis? The man is 77 and still going strong. I want to know his secret. Is it one of those five-hour energy drinks or what? Lunch at: Starbucks. Just what he would need — a little more caffeine.

10. ALBERT PUJOLS (left): I would love to break bread with the finest baseball hitter of this generation. Someday I will tell my great-grandkids I was able to watch the great Prince Albert play, and explain how he was one of the beacons of integrity during baseball’s dirty steroid era. Lunch at: My house. The Little Woman could make some of her famous meatballs, and then we could watch the MLB Network together. I would also apologize to him for trading him off my fantasy baseball team a few years ago.

11. SARAH PALIN: I always have a standing invitation for the dysfunctional Alaskan princess. Lunch at: Panera, so we can both bring our laptops and take advantage of the wireless Internet.

It’s time to round up a new bunch for lunch. Here are my latest invitees:

Hey, Jerry: Time for a 'Seinfeld' reunion?

1. JERRY SEINFELD: C’mon, Jerry. It’s been more than 10 years. Get the gang back together and give us Seinfeld II. Lunch at: Tony’s Old Place, in the back room because Jerry likes his privacy.

2. LeBRON JAMES: At some point in his career, even the most dedicated Michael Jordan supporters are going to have to admit King James is the best player in NBA history. Lunch at: Mr. Bill’s. Those walleye dinners are fit for a king.

3. SARAH PALIN: She may need help getting that volcano thing under control. Lunch at: Mike’s Place in Liberty. She’ll enjoy the drive there, with me serving as her chauffeur.

4. ILLINOIS GOV. PAT QUINN: I just want to tell him thanks for helping take the state off Jay Leno’s joke-of-the-day list. Lunch at: The Butcher Block. Pat seems like a down-to-earth type of guy.

What's up with that chin, Reese?

5. REESE WITHERSPOON: I have to ask her if her chin is getting bigger or if it’s just my imagination. Lunch at: Hy-Vee. I’m sure she’s a salad bar type of girl.

6. CHRIS MARTIN: He’s the lead singer of Coldplay, whose song “Viva La Vida” I have not got out of my head for more than a month. Lunch at: Village Inn. We can get one of the big tables so he can bring the rest of the band, too.

7. BARACK OBAMA: Barack and I need to talk about the economy. I’m not so sure he needed some $750 billion stimulus bill. What if he just set aside $1 million for every American adult? I think that would solve most of the credit crisis, and we’d all live happily ever after. Lunch at Gem City. Barack spent a lot of time in Chicago. He has to like pizza.

Hey, baby, lunch at the Perk!

8. DICK VITALE: It will be a sad day for basketball fans when Dicky V. is not part of March Madness. Lunch at: Washington Perk. Dick will attract a crowd, and the Perk has plenty of room for him to hold court.

9. AMERICAN IDOL FINALISTS: What a great time we’d all have singing karaoke, and I get to sit beside Meghan Corkrey. Lunch at: The Ambiance — hey, we need some room. There will be dancing, too!

10. MATT LAUER: I’m dying to ask the NBC “Today” show co-host how in the world he ran into a deer on his bicycle. Lunch at: the cafe on the corner in downtown Pleasant Hill. I hear the place serves venison.

11. YOGI BERRA: I want to convince him he has to make another Aflac commercial. I like Carl Edwards as a NASCAR driver, but as a comedic pitchman, he’s no Yogi. Lunch at: La Gondola. I’ll take Yogi on all-the-spaghetti-you-can-eat day.

It’s lunch time again, and I have 10 new engagements awaiting. If you’re new here, yes, there are 11 partners listed, because we like to use that Big Ten math.

1. NADYA SULEMAN, the mom who had the eight kids to go with her six already at home: Eight new kids, no husband, no job … no sleep, no money, no future. All of a sudden my life looks pretty sweet. Lunch will be at McDonald’s, and hopefully we could get a deal on all of those Kid’s Meals.

2. GOV. PAT QUINN: Be honest, Pat. Was Blago totally nuts or what? Lunch at Tiramisu. You have to try the dessert there.

3. OZZY OSBOURNE: Oz, do you realize how bad those sagging tattoos look? Lunch at the Kixx Club, because the underground setting would be what you need. You and sunlight are not a good mix.

4. SANDRA BULLOCK: She stars in the March 6 movie release, “All About Steve.” I’m going to ask her if the movie is based on Stevie Love or Stevie Dirt. Lunch at Subway. I’m sure she’s a light eater.

5. NAOMI WATTS: I saw her on David Letterman the other night and she seems rather intriguing, along with being a nice lady. I think we’d hit it off marvelously. Lunch at Lakeview. We could talk about the silver screen while watching the ducks on the pond. (No, that wasn’t a baseball reference.)

6. RYAN SEACREST: I need to know what that new judge, Kara, is really like on American Idol. Lunch at Mike’s in Liberty. I’ll treat Mr. Seacrest to a piece of that mile-high pie.

7. JAY LENO: I just want to say thanks for all of those years on the Tonight Show. He’ll be leaving soon, and we’ll have to put up with that goofball Conan O’Brien. Oh wait a minute, no, we won’t. I’m going back to Letterman. Lunch at Quincy Raceways. I know how much you like cars.

8. THE JONAS BROTHERS: I like these kids. I hope they have a great career. Lunch at Bonkers.

9. ROGER CLEMENS: Yo, Rocket, admit what you did and throw yourself on the mercy of the court of public opinion. Lunch at the Adams County Jail.

10. HANK AARON: Hammer, you’re still a class act and you’re still the home run king in my eyes. Lunch at wherever you would like.

11. ALEX RODRIGUEZ: I’m cancelling lunch. I don’t want to be seen with you.

It’s time once again for a lunch date with 10 people who interest me. If you’re new to the group, you’ll notice there are always 11 listed. Yes, I can count, but I’m a fan of the Big Ten Conference, which has 11 schools. Must be that Midwest math.

1. Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III (left): He’s the 57-year-old pilot who landed the jet in the Hudson River, even managing to land at the correct angle to stop the plane from sinking and allowing all 155 on board time to scramble to safety. This guy is a true American hero. I would gladly pick up the tab for a chance to swap stories over a couple of Big Macs at the local golden arches.

2. Kara DioGuardi: The new American Idol judge intrigues me. Her sassiness and spirit promise a lively eighth season for America’s No. 1 TV show. I would also guess she’d talk all the way through lunch, which we would share at Elder’s. I’d order a batch of those huge onion rings to occupy me while waiting for my burger and fries and listen to Kara babbling about the latest Idol goofball she had critiqued.

3. Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich: This might not work work, because Blago would likely try and sell my lunch seat to the highest bidder. I’d make sure we’d drive through Wendy’s before I dropped him off — in Joliet.

4. Robert Eric McFadden: This lunch would last about 30 seconds. My only question for this guy would be, “What could you possibly have been thinking?” Police in Columbus, Ohio, arrested McFadden, who was running a Web site that rated the services of prostitutes. The true irony here is that McFadden once served as director of the Faith-Based and Community Initiatives office under Gov. Ted Strickland. We could grab one of those turkey and Colby cheese sandwiches at the Butcher’s Block. They’re excellent.

5. Tim Tebow, right: The University of Florida quarterback seems like such a great person. I doubt if football would ever come up in conversation with this likable kid, who has worked in both an orphanage and leper colony. Two of my three daughters are unmarried and I hope one of them can hook up with him. Heck, I’d bring him home for lunch where the little woman could make him her special meat loaf.

6. Brian Williams: The NBC News anchor is the best of them all. I’d treat him to a fine meal at The Pier.

7. Barack Obama: I wouldn’t want to talk politics. I’m more interested in how he thinks he can force a college football playoff. We’d pull up a couple of chairs at Kutter’s and talk sports with the guys.

8. Christian Bale: I finally saw the film ”Dark Knight” and was fascinated by Bale’s brooding interpretation of the Batman character. We’d go to Springfield and have seafood at Red Lobster.

9. Bikini Girl: If you saw the season premier of American Idol, you will understand. This is one bizarre girl. I’d also be interested to see what she showed up to lunch wearing. I’d meet her at First Wok and we could share some hunan shrimp.

10. Hazel Mae, left: She’s one of the nightly hosts on the new MLB Network, where “the national pastime goes full time” (I just like repeating that). Hazel used to work for NESN, the regional cable outlet in New England that covered the Red Sox. Hazel knows her baseball. And I every time I see her, I immediately think of the 1960s Tommy Roe hit song, “Hooray for Hazel.” Hazel would be another I’d invite over the homestead. We’d have Ballpark Franks!

11. Sarah Palin: Sweet Sarah is always a guest at lunch. There’s nothing wrong with a little conservative eye candy who can provide stimulating conversation. I’d probably drive to Alaska and meet her for some moose chili.

Check, please.

Let’s do lunch — again.

Here are the 11 individuals I would like to break bread with on a sunny November afternoon. And by the way, why 11 instead of 10, you ask? I’m from Big Ten country, which if you follow college sports at all, you know there are 11 schools in the Big Ten Conference.

1. CARRIE UNDERWOOD: I bet she would want to order a salad. Lunch at: Best Buffet, where there is no salad bar. The former American Idol would be forced to get shrimp or beef and broccoli.

2. BROOKE SHIELDS: Brooke and I would have a heart to heart before we eat any sort of lunch. This is the most annoying woman in the world (OK, that’s a bit harsh, but she’s in the top 10). First thing would be to get her to stop doing those car commercials that claim women are getting pregnant just so they can drive a particular model of Volkswagen. THEY ARE SO STUPID I WANT TO TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Lunch at: Bitter’s Well. And she’s buying.

3. CHER: Hey, she’s Cher. Can you imagine the stories she could tell? Lunch at: The Abbey.

4. DALE EARNHARDT JR.: He says returning NASCAR Sprint Cup schedule to 28 races would help sport. Not going to happen, Junior. If anything, look for an increase to 42 races and maybe getting rid of the Truck Series, which I think about six people in South Carolina actually care about. Lunch at: The 18-Wheeler.

5. BILL COWHER: So I could talk him into coming out of retirement and coaching the Cleveland Browns. Lunch at: Mr. Bill’s. Two walleye dinners, please.

Lunch with the Osbournes at Wal-Mart
would be interesting.

6. OZZY OSBOURNE: I’d like to ask him if he regrets all of those tattoos. Lunch at: Subway at Wal-Mart.

7. SHARON OSBOURNE: I’d need an interpreter for what Ozzy was saying. Lunch at: Subway at Wal-Mart with Oz and myself.

8. JOHN MADDEN: Are you kidding? It’s John Madden. Boom! Lunch at: The Golden Corral in Hannibal, Mo.

9. PHIL HELLMUTH: For those who watch poker on ESPN you know why. For those who don’t, you should. This guy is unbelievable. Lunch at: Washington Perk.

10. MORGAN FREEMAN: He has the most compelling voice of any actor in our lifetime. I want to simply listen him to talk. He can just read the menu as far as I’m concerned. Lunch at: Krieger’s.

11. SARAH PALIN: I’ll be honest. She’ll be on this list forever. Caribou Barbie rocks! Lunch at: The Pier.